I am so sorry about the worry you are feeling. Unfortunately your mother cannot make your father do anything he does not want to, neither can you. He has to care enough about himself to see a doctor and get help.
You need to take care of yourself, otherwise you will be of no use when he decides to get help or if he gets bad enough that he needs more care than your mother can give. The malar rash (butterfly) is different for everyone. For me I have several different versions depending on how bad it is. It can be a pinkness of my checks and the bridge of my nose, bright reddness, and even bright red with even redder dots that look like histamine under the skin- I know this because I get a histamine rash every so often during allergy season.
Dx:fibromyalgia 2002, systematic lupus 2005- definate CNS involvement dxed late 2005, psoriasis 2006, rheumatoid arthritis 2006, PTSD 2007, multiple allergies 2005, migraine, compression fractures T11 & T12, Sjögren's, damaged periphrial nerves 2007, pregnant due May 2008
Tx: plaquenil, Enbrel, Darvocet, Singulair, Flexeril, Baby Asprin, Imuran, Procardia, Prilosec