((((((((((( Ginny ))))))))))) Great big sisterly hugs for you sweetie! I'm SO sorry you've been going through this alone. I'll bet you thought you'd make your way through it w/o bothering anyone!
I can't imagine what some of you have been through. . . . and your fight last year was huge. I'm SO glad you shared your feelings here. I'll bet there are others reading . . . who can't speak up . . . who are hoping for some help too.
Its great that your doctor got you hooked up with a specialist. Working through all that awful time will be hard but it will help you pinpoint your fear and then empower you with ways to take control of your life again. Definitely best to deal with it than to stuff it.
I tried to help a young man who had crashed his motorcycle last year. I won't recount out the horrid details, but the other people who stopped, just stood over him talking. I stopped my car, ran over and dropped to the ground . . . cleared his nose and mouth (he was then able to breath with great effort) and I gently stroked his hair as I asked one of the others to take out his wallet and look for his name. Then I talked to him, using his name, and prayed while the ambulance came. He did die . . . but I'm comforted that he may have heard a caring voice and felt a bit of comfort being gently touched.
That's as close as I've come to having any type of PTS . . . and its a fine line keeping your brain on the positive side of what has happened. And no one else has a clue what you witnessed . . . only a few words trying to describe it . . . when there is really no amount of words that could give people a clue. So you are stuck with all these feelings and visions in your head and unable to share . . .
I'm so sorry Ginny . . . you must be feeling just miserable. I hope Tuesday appointment goes well and that you really connect with the counselor/psych doc. I'm so glad that you have reached out for help.
Keep us posted sis . . . . prayers, hugs and . . .
In His Grip
AlwaysRosie "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"
Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum
UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)
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