Advice and prayers please

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Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/17/2008 11:03 PM (GMT -6)   
I needed to get some stuff out so here it goes.  I am so overwelmed right now.  I feel week and exausted just about everyday and thats not even counting the days I am in pain.  I have 3 daughters as I've posted before.  One is 16, one is 10, and one is 6.  The started back to school last Monday.  They all go at different times and get home at different times.  They all have homework and my 2 youngest need help with it.  My 10 year old has adhd and other behavioral problems, I adopted her when she was 4.  Because she has the problems she does she has special classes and I have to have meetings with about 7 people in the school 4 times a year to evaluate her.  I have one coming up on Wed and I know this is crazy but I feel like I don't have the strength to go.  I am so overwelmed with day to day life I feel like I can't add one more thing.  The stress of just knowing I have to go to this makes me sick.  I think in a way I have isolated myself so much I fear social situations. 
I don't know what to do about this.  I feel if I tell them I can't come I look like a bad mom.  My husband works so I can stay home so he can't go and we have no family here since we moved a year ago to a new state.  I haven't made much of an effort to get to know anyone cuz I feel my plate is full enough.  I already feel guilty that I let my kids down by not having the energy to do things most moms do with thier kids.  Then my 16 yr old has an openhouse at her school Tuesday which she wants me to go to.  Its a huge school, upstairs and down.  I am stressing over this too.  She made me feel pretty bad when I mentioned not going.  She knows my guilt buttons.  Last, my aunt got transferred here and needs a place to live for awhile 6 or more months.  So, she'll be staying with us.  When school was about to begin this year I was worried cuz I had a bad couple months and didn't have all these schedules to keep, and wasn't sure if I could even handle that.  My kids have so much homework that I've trying to do thier chores and mine.  I know this is crazy but even to go grocery shopping has become a stressful ordeal for me, I get to a point where I feel so overwelmed I just want to leave and by the time I get home I'm exausted.
I feel that when my stress level is higher I feel worse.  I wanted to try to keep my stress down so that I can atleast be here for my kids and dh here at home making sure they are taken care of.  There are meals to be made, baths to be given, homework to be done, and all the other things that go along with taking care of your kids day to day.  What do you do in a situation where you know certain things could make you end up having a flare due to the stress of it.  How do you tell the school something like that without them thinking I'm a bad mom.  I don't want them thinking that I can't take care of my kids.   Any advice or prayers would be helpful.

Audrey Ann
Veteran Member

Date Joined Jul 2005
Total Posts : 815
   Posted 8/17/2008 11:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Greetings Dominique! If you are not well enough to go to the school meeting for your daughter, please call and ask them to reschedule. They will not think bad of you. Explain your situation and ask if they can do a phone meeting with you for now and have another meeting later in the fall. If you need to sign papers, maybe the forms can be sent home with one of your daughters and you can sign it and send it back. I work in a school and we do this sometimes. The school will appreciate your honesty and they will work with you.

I remember feeling like you describe and the pain and fatigue was unreal. It will take time for this to resolve so do your best to rest and tell your rheumy everything so your treatment can be tweaked to bring you better results. Can your 16 year old do your grocery shopping from a list you create once a week? I used to creat behavior charts for my son (who had ADHD) and it included specific chores for which he was responsible. The chores could be done on the weekends if there is too much homework. The chart could also include the other daughters.

Maybe you have already tried these ideas - I really want to help and I do not know how. I hope your writing here helps by just allowing you to vent. This sometimes helps a lot! I will certainly keep you in my prayers! (((((((((Dominique)))))))))) - hugs to you!
Audrey Ann
Lupus, RA, and (Maybe) Fibromyalgia and LOTS of Medications!


Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/18/2008 6:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks, it does help to vent. I have lists of chores all 3 of my girls do. They are overwelmed right now too with school just starting. Thats why I've been picking up thier stuff. As far as my 16 yr old, she doesn't like to help much. I have always been the type of mom who did everything for my kids, and now they are a little spoiled and my 16 yr old really has issues when I ask her to help out. I try to explain I don't feel well or am tired and she rolls her eyes. I think she thinks I'm lying or making it up just to get her to do stuff. Thanks for the advice.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2004
Total Posts : 2244
   Posted 8/18/2008 7:05 PM (GMT -6)   
((((( Domanique )))) it's hard being a mom, wife, etc and not feeling well. I agree with Audrey, call the school to see if you can reschedule or schedule a phone conference. You shouldn't worry about things you can't control it will only make things worse for you. Do what you can when you can, that is the attitude I had to grasp, it's hard but you must try. You are the only one that will pay for what the stress, over doing it, etc does to you.

I stopped doing the grocery shopping several years ago, hubby does it all now. I can do a short run to the store but to walk all over the store after working all day, I just can't do it right now. I too get really down when I can't do things for my family, I think we all do. I think it's natural for us to feel this way, I am like you I've always done everything for my family before I got sick (all the shopping, cleaning, laundry, activities, etc) and I still grieve my old life but try to look past that and think of the good too. It's hard to do sometimes.

Hang in there, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding ~ Proverbs 3:5 ~

DX: Hashimoto's, Celiac Disease, Raynaud's, Lupus and Sjogrens
RX: Imuran, Plaquenil, Methotrexate, Flexeril, Piroxicam, Levoxyl, Folic Acid, Folgard OS (B12), Darvocet (as needed) and magic mouthwash (for mouth sores)

Veteran Member

Date Joined Jan 2005
Total Posts : 8616
   Posted 8/19/2008 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   

Audrey is right about letting the school know that you need to reschedule or meet by phone. Sometimes honesty is all we have to offer. Let them know it really is important to you and you want to be able to focus on their every word.

I recently heard a great review on a book which gives detail on how to get kids to listen and help. The author, Kevin Lehman, really nailed it. We raised four kids, a daughter and three boys . . . and we actually did use some of the techniques that he now teaches (we should have written a book !!! LOL) . . . anyway this stuff really does work if you are consistent implementing the follow-thru he talks about. AND the great thing is that it ends the arguing that can go along with strong willed kids.

Here is the title:

"Have a New Kid by Friday: How to Change Your Child's Attitude, Behavior & Character in 5 Days"

I hope this helps.


In His Grip

AlwaysRosie           "We can't control the waves, but we can learn how to surf!!"

Psalms 139

Co-Moderator - Lupus Forum

UCTD, Inflammatory Arthritis, Diverticulosis, (recent dx - Sjogrens, Crohn’s 4/08)

Clickable Links:  Lupus Resources    Lupous.Org   Lupus Criteria (4 of 11)   Lupus Chapter Locator

Veteran Member

Date Joined Dec 2007
Total Posts : 2113
   Posted 8/19/2008 9:19 PM (GMT -6)   
I am very familiar with the IEP process as I am a behavior specialist working primarily with people with Autism. And although you may be able to postpone by about a week you won't be able to delay it much longer-as I am sure you know. There are some things you can do to make the meeting itself less stressful.

First you don't have to go alone, you can bring with you anyone you want to be there including asking the school district to appoint an advocate for your child for the meeting.
You can write down in a formal letter the key components you want included in the ISP, what type of therapy, what special modifications, how much special ed and in what setting, what social and academic goals you would like to see-I would limit the goals you are requesting to two or three to allow the school district to set most of them.
Know ahead of time wether you are willing to concider medication and/or adjustments to medication. (you don't have to follow their recommendations but they often try to blindside and bully parents about medication so know they are going to bring it up and what you are and are not willing to do).

Ask your doctor ahead of time if their is something you can do even short term to make you stronger during this process (for example some prednisone).
I hope everything works out well for you.

Regular Member

Date Joined May 2008
Total Posts : 156
   Posted 8/19/2008 11:10 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you all for your advice. Its wonderful to know i'm not alone in this.
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