The Give & Take ???

MJLD

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1048

Posted 10/20/2008 8:19 AM (GMT -7)

I am in a transplant readiness program of sorts. Trying to get myself in shape in order to qualify for a kidney transplant. I have several family members who want to be tested as a potential donor. Some are young mothers, some are unmarried college students who are not yet mothers, some are grandparents...I'm having trouble and feeling guilty already about who should and should not be tested. The more of family that is tested, of course, the higher the chance of finding a donor. They are all more than willing. I just keep asking myself what if???

The surgery for the donor is laproscopic and a one night stay in the hospital. I just don't think I could live with the guilt if something happened to my donor! What do you guys think? Thanks in advance for your opinion! God Bless you, Judy

Lynnwood

Veteran Member

Joined : May 2005

Posts : 7767

Posted 10/20/2008 8:43 AM (GMT -7)

I think it might be time to step aside and let yourself accept the help these people are so generously offering you. The doctors are going to make darn sure nothing happens to anyone, and they won't let a donation occur if it will be a great risk to anyone. Also, just because these family members are willing to be tested, doesn't mean any of them will be a match, nor does it mean any of them will be able to go thru with it when it comes time to make the final decision. I think you are probably worrying yourself needlessly, as well as quite early in the process. Trust in your family, your doctors, the universe & your god to take care of the situation as a whole. You don't need all this additional stress you are putting yourself thru with the 'what if' questioning...let the worrying go and focus on what you need to do to get yourself healthy enough for the transplant...the rest will take care of itself. Cheers, Lynnwood, Co-Moderator: Lupus Forum SLE (’00), Sjogren's Syndrome, Raynaud's Syndrome, SAD, Depression, Herpes Simplex 1 Piroxicam, Plaquenil, Prednisone(was 15mg, now 8mg), Cellcept , Xanax , Trazodone, Boniva(3mth shot), Wellbrutrin SR, Valtrex Links: DIAGNOSING LUPUS (4 of 11) , LUPUS INFORMATION , LUPUS RESOURCES , Donate to HealingWell , Drug Interactions

Ginny

Veteran Member

Joined : Feb 2003

Posts : 5514

Posted 10/20/2008 8:48 AM (GMT -7)

Hi Judy,

Okay, put that guilt behind you right now! The people who are offering their kidney are doing it because they love you so much. They know the risks that are involved and wouldn't offer this gift if they felt unsure about anything.

Please take that burden off your shoulders and mind and rejoice in knowing that God has sent these people to you. Someone, is going to save your life! If you're feeling overwhelmed, take it to God. I know He'll give you peace about all this.

Blessings my friend!

Ginny

I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

34 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke),Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck) . Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus

Serina

Regular Member

Joined : Aug 2008

Posts : 431

Posted 10/20/2008 9:02 AM (GMT -7)

Hey Judy,

I too think that you need to put that guilt aside, and direct yourself toward the outcome of the transplant in a positive way. I would feel terrible if I could have saved my child's life by giving them a kidney, but the child or other relative would not allow the kidney to be given due to guilt.

think of the what if as your continuing life if you allow the kidney to be donated to you. Obviously your family loves you and they do not want to think of ife without you in it. Give them the chance to do this thing that will find you still in thier lives.

Hester

Lupus diagnosed 1996, Heart by-pass 1998, breast cancer 2000, stroke2002, vascular surgery 2005, heart attack in 2007, and had a stint put in, Sjogren's Syndrome 2008

******

aspirin, multivitamin, Arthrotec , Meclazine , plaquinil, Metoclopomide, Doxepin , Metoprolol, synthroid, Amlodipine, Crestor, Lasinopril, Plavix, phenagrin, Restasis

Barbara Lee

Veteran Member

Joined : Sep 2003

Posts : 2889

Posted 10/20/2008 10:17 AM (GMT -7)

Hi Judy;

I agree with everyone, put the guilt behind you. Your family loves you and they want to be able to help you. I can offer up some personal experience. I was 21 and worked for a company in my home town, now mind you this was back in 1986. The salesman that worked for our company his wife needed a kidney transplant. His wife's sister was the one who match her and her sister gladly went through quite an ordeal to give her sister a kidney.

Both Joyce and her sister came through the surgeries perfectly well. Think about how much easier it is to donate these days, you said laperoscopic and home the next day. Sweetie all will go well. Joyce's sister was cut up pretty bad and she did just fine.

You need to let those around you care for you Judy. You deserve this, you're a well loved lady by us here and I can tell by your entire family. I understand your feelings of guilt cause I go back and forth about having Nikita tested for my bone marrow transplant. I'm worried about all sorts of things that I can't control and I feel guilty for them to boot. So please, let your family help you. I'd offer you my kidney sweetie but I don't think you'd want. I'll be praying for you and your family that all goes well.

Hugs,
Barbara

dx fibro, SLE, glaucoma, cateracts, bells palsy, depression, migraine headaches, gastreopaersis, chronic anemia, RA,MDS (Blood Cancer). Tons of meds.

MJLD

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1048

Posted 10/20/2008 11:38 AM (GMT -7)

You guys are so precious to me. I am so thankful I have a place to come with my troubles and get some unbiased opinions and advice. I appreciate it more than you'll ever know! I'm going to put this in the hands of Jesus and let Him and my family decide what's best for all of us! God bless each one of you. Judy

Ginny

Veteran Member

Joined : Feb 2003

Posts : 5514

Posted 10/20/2008 5:24 PM (GMT -7)

We love and appreciate you too Judy

I hope your day has been a nice one, full of hope and peace. Jesus has big hands that are just waiting for you to put your trust into.

Have a good night!

Love

Ginny

I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

hippimom2

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2005

Posts : 5403

Posted 10/21/2008 6:55 AM (GMT -7)

((((((((Judy)))))))), here you are worrying about everyone else while you are the one with a serious health condition and are in need of a transplant. I don't have anything to add to the great things that everyone else told you. I agree about trusting your docs and know that the people who are getting tested want so much to be able to do something for you. You have been on my mind a lot and you are always in my thoughts and prayers. Diagnosis: UCTD (lupus) 2006; Raynauds 2006; Sjogren's 2006; lupus symptoms began 2003; UC 2008; CFS 1991; Mono 1985 Meds: Plaquenil 400mg; Prednisone 5-10mg; Tramadol 100mg 3-4x daily; Doxepin 25-50mg; Prevacid; Evoxac; Steriod Cream and Mouth Rinse for tongue and mouth ulcers; Hydrocodone 5/500 prn for severe pain; Artificial tears Clickable: LUPUS INFORMATION & LUPUS RESOURCES . Please allow HealingWell to continue helping others by donating: https://www.healingwell.com/donate/ Co-Moderator: Lupus and CFS Forums

okie

Veteran Member

Joined : Dec 2006

Posts : 2818

Posted 10/21/2008 8:37 PM (GMT -7)

Hi Judy, I wanted to respond right after you wrote this but I wasn't sure what I would say. I do know that you and the donor will be given counseling before anything is done. I am an organ donor if there is anything left that will help someone when I'm gone. You could have my kidney now I doubt you'd want it though. I do kind of know how you might feel. Knowing someone that you love and care about putting their health on the line for you would be very overwhelming. Like these others said it is a gift. One that you can't think negatively about. One that you have to be greatful for.

I've been thinking about my own transplant lately. I invision the holidays are coming. There is a couple trying to decide weather to go to see there family for christmas in texas or wait until next year. The reason they are thinking about that is because they don't know they won't have a holiday next year. Because of some accident or drunk driver or heart attack. Only God knows. They don't realize that this time next year I may be walking around with their lungs keeping me alive. I'm enjoying the holiday because they are gone. I already know that the only way I can survive is because some one else died. It's a very hard thing to actually wrap my mind around. I pray every day that God will heal me and I won't have to have this transplant. But if he chooses not to and I am blessed enough to receive such a gift I will never forget what that person has done for me.

Anyway right now you need to do everything you can to take care of yourself. exercise drop the wait. Don't stress out. No one knows what tomorrow might bring. All we have is today. That is all any of us have is this moment. So live in the moment and Thank God for all the love he has surrounded your life with.

love ya

carol

Possible scleroderma. stage 4 COPD, sleep apnea, Osteoporosis,osteoarthritis

Prednisone,plaquanil400mg,azythromyacin,vicodin 4x5mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg,Xanax 1.0 x3,Singular,nitro spray, spirivia,aciphex,lasix,inderal,pot.chlor.,B12

Did you ever know that your my hero?

MJLD

Veteran Member

Joined : Jul 2007

Posts : 1048

Posted 10/22/2008 10:09 AM (GMT -7)

Carol,
So beautifully said. Thank you. Doesn't it feel sort of surreal that you are facing a transplant. I told my sister it feels as if it's someone else's life or like i've walked into the middle of a movie about my life! I know deep down that I am blessed beyond measure. It's in God's hands and He's capable of taking care of the situation and everyone involved! God Bless Your Precious Heart!!! LOve ya, Judy

okie

Veteran Member

Joined : Dec 2006

Posts : 2818

Posted 10/22/2008 2:16 PM (GMT -7)

I know what you mean. I do ok during the day but night time gets rough sometimes. My mind starts running away with me. Somtimes I think........What if they won't take me? Other times I think What if they will? I try not to get too excited one way or another. I think I could actually go dancing or somthing and get off all this stuff. Than I think right now I'm at least alive. I could go on like this for a long time. What if I don't make it through the surgery? I could be dead 6 months from now. That's why I just try to give it to God. He is in control. The only problem I have is I give it to him and than I take it back again. Well I guess I'll go make a salad or somthing. I really want somthing fattning but I will stick to the low carb stuff. It's hard to lose weight when you can't breath to exercise. Now it's getting to cold to go out and walk.

take care I'll be praying for ya

carol

Possible scleroderma. stage 4 COPD, sleep apnea, Osteoporosis,osteoarthritis

Prednisone,plaquanil400mg,azythromyacin,vicodin 4x5mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg,Xanax 1.0 x3,Singular,nitro spray, spirivia,aciphex,lasix,inderal,pot.chlor.,B12

Did you ever know that your my hero?

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