Medical Record Blunder. Hilarious

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Date Joined Jun 2008
Total Posts : 1470
   Posted 4/15/2009 3:57 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey everyone! I ran across this today and thought of you all! Hope you enjoy...
These are items from actual Medical Records!

- Rectal exam revealed a normal size thyroid. (Long fingers?)

- The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

- Patient stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until 1989 when she got a divorce.

- Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

- The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of gas and crashed.

- The baby was delivered, the cord clamped and cut, and handed to the pediatrician, who breathed and cried immediately.

- Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

- I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

- The patient lives at home with his mother, father, and pet turtle, who is presently enrolled in day care three times a week.

- Bleeding started in the rectal area and continued all the way to Los Angeles.

- Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. (Excuse me, what are you doing with that pen light?)

- She is numb from her toes down.

- Exam of genitalia was completely negative except for the right foot. (Anatomy review time!)

- While in the emergency room, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

- The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. (An empowered patient.)

- The patient suffers from occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

- Coming from Detroit, this man has no children.

- Examination reveals a well-developed male lying in bed with his family in no distress.

- Patient was alert and unresponsive.

- When she fainted, her eyes rolled around the room.

- We will follow her eyes and nose with a foley catheter.

- By the time he was admitted, his rapid heart had stopped, and he was feeling better.

- Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

- On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it had completely disappeared.

- The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1983.

- The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

- Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

- Healthy-appearing decrepit sixty-nine-year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

- The patient refused an autopsy.

- The patient expired on the floor uneventfully.

- Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

- The patient's past medical history has been remarkably insignificant, with only a forty-pound weight gain in the past three days.



21 years old...Systemic Lupus 11/07, lupus nephritis 01/09, raynoids 03/08, Carpal Tunnel 03/08

Ultram, Prednisone, Cell-Cept, Lisinopril, Imuran, Ambien, Flexeril, Darvocet, Ferrious Sulfade, Calcium, Vitamin B12, Chantex, Aspirin 81 mg, Vitamin C

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Date Joined Feb 2009
Total Posts : 58
   Posted 4/15/2009 4:50 PM (GMT -6)   
That made me giggle smilewinkgrin

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Date Joined Jul 2007
Total Posts : 1048
   Posted 4/15/2009 5:37 PM (GMT -6)   
Really funny! Thanx for sharing. Needed a laugh! Judy

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Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 98
   Posted 4/17/2009 7:28 AM (GMT -6)   
Hilarious turn ! This made me laugh and laughing is so good for us! Thanks for sharing! Tammy

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Date Joined Feb 2003
Total Posts : 5514
   Posted 4/20/2009 8:30 AM (GMT -6)   
Heeheehee!! Those are funny!  I like that last one.  Thanks Amy!
I can do anything through Jesus Christ who strengthens me. I have learned in whatever state I am in,to be content. Phillipians 4:11-13

35 years old. Diagnosed with Lupus in 2000. Fibromyalgia, Anti-phospholipid syndrome(APS)(stroke, 2002), Sjogren's, Raynaud's, Libman Sach's Endocarditis, vasculitis, sacroiliitis, arthritis (neck), anxiety, Chinook migraines. Prednisone, Imuran, Coumadin, Clobazam, Amitriptyline, Didrocal, Cozaar, Zoloft, Neurontin, calcium, multi-vitamin, vitamin D, Magnesium, vitamin B6, Acidophilus
Co-Moderator for the Lupus and Fibromyalgia forums

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