Posted 9/27/2009 9:34 PM (GMT -6)
They don't get it Lynny. Some people are terminal and family are worried about their fatigue and try to force them up and around, as if exercise will somehow cure them. They get scared is all. Its a form of denial. My ex is like that and so I don't deal with him, especially when I'm sick, which is when I need someone the most. When people see you become more sedentary or visibly and audibly in pain, they don't know what to do and it bothers them. Instead of caring, which involves acceptance, they get nasty, which is denial. What you can try is to explain that your illness is a part of you, unfortunately, and sometimes it gets very bad, and that you need understanding and support during these times, and you need to rest. Explain that you cannot get better if you don't rest and that he must accept your illness in accepting you. If he can only accept you when you are doing well, then perhaps he needs to only be around then, but that doesn't mean that someone else who accepts your illness won't be there to help you, because you need help during these times.
I know it sounds mean, but its reality. I am one though that doesn't expect the world from my guys when I'm sick. My son is wonderful and keeps things clean and everthing going just fine, my ex would just complain and do nothing but make more of a mess and be mean. so he's my ex.
Disability makes strange bedfellows, but maybe a minister or counsellor can help you address this issue with him. To kick you when your down is just abusive and wrong, though it may just be a bad response to genuine hurt and sorrow he feels because you are sick and he doesn't know how to act. Maybe thats the way his family treated him, or he feels that if he lets you give in to the illness that hewill lose you. That if you fall asleep in that chair, you may not wake up, or stay there forever and get weakerand weaker. He may be really scared subconciously.
I hope things work out okay for you. At least he is reacting somehow, though inappropriate. Sometimes spouses can be boneheaded.
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus cond., AI polygland. dysfunction 2, hyper/hypopigment, scoliosis,kyphosis,stenosis, deg.,O.A.,spine surgeries, salivary/lymphectomies, NASH, COPD, RLS, UT/GI bleeds, hystero, brain/nerve damage,TB
Meds--INH,Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, HRT and Lidocaine patchs, Voltaren gel, Klonopin, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol, steroids