Hi :) I am sorry you are having such a difficult time - not a good way to start the New Year !
I don't think your gyny is right when he says the older you get the worse the lupus gets. As far as I know there is no way of telling how lupus is going to develop in any individual, or what effect on the lupus pregnancy will have either during the pregnancy or on the severity of the disease after birth.
I have read that about
one third of cases get better one third stay the same, meaning no worsening of current symptoms or no new developments, and one third get seriously worse. Obviously that is only a very rough guide since we have no way of knowing the treatment histories except that it is certain that the sooner it is diagnosed and the sooner the disease is brought under control the better the long term prospects with a bit of luck thrown in. It can be a seriously sneaky disease if you are unlucky. I would run the gyny's comments by your rheumatologist who hopefully is a lupus specialist and better qualified to advise you on lupus pregnancies than the gynecologist. There are also high risk ob/gynys and maybe your rheumy can recommend one who can give you another take on your own situation. You would need to be doing this anyway if you had been intending to conceive right now. All SLE pregnancies count as high risk even when there is no organ involvement.
The ideal is to have been off all medications for six months before TTC. If that isn't possible then the lupus should be stable and you have to make sure that the meds you are taking are safe in pregnancy and also make sure you have your rheumy's support and know what is his general attitude is. Plaquenil for example is very often continued in pregnancy these days by leading lupus doctors so as to avoid the risk of flaring but not all rheumies agree with that. You don't want to be pregnant and find your rheumy is not up to date. or has his own views about
this. So before getting all worked up you absolutely need more information, second or even third opinions that could well remove the immediate anxiety take the pressure off you both and give you a breathing space to take a long hard look at your relationship.
One thing is absolutely clear: your husband right now definitely doesn't want children and he has been honest about
this to his credit. I get the impression that there has already been some lack of agreement between you and that the gyny's remarks have brought things to a head, a reality check. I am probably old enough to be your grandma and I can tell you categorically that having a baby never solved anything. After all it is creating a new life and years of care and responsibility. There is a considerable risk of things going wrong in healthy pregnancies too, although this is rarely talked about
. Even the most solid relationship can be badly damaged by the stresses of traumatic events. The marriage break up rate when things go very wrong is very high indeed and that's with decent people, rock solid relationships and planned pregnancies. It is wonderful to have a place of refuge and comfort but really you need to be with him doing some damage limitation - tell him panic's over, you think the gyny could be wrong and you're going to see what other doctors think and right now focus on each other and being together. You can take a long hard look at the relationship bearing in mind that he might be doing the same. A few years more is neither here nor there in the long run and considering the seriousness of the issues involved.
I've been married 43 years happily on the whole, but I can tell you, it needs working at :)
All the very best
Post Edited (BumbleBee1) : 12/31/2009 11:38:57 AM (GMT-7)