I'm having a day where I'm feeling incredibly emotionally drained. Just having my summer blues..it happens to me about 2-3 times every summer thus far since I've been diagnosed. I do good most days, but eventually I get tired. I start to feel trapped and frustrated and just angry..which is where I'm at today. Just tired of the constant sunscreen, and hats, long sleeves, and trying to go out in the early morning and later in the evening. I don't feel free. I'm sure that I'll have a fresh perspective tomorrow, but excuse me while I just let it out. I'm a bit weary. Anyone else know the feeling from being vigilant about sun protectiveness, and just coming to a point where you know that if you stay home and miss out one more time you're going to get depressed, so you go to prevent that from happening, knowing full well that you might pay the price physically. That is what I did yesterday. I went out at 6pm, dressed with long sleeves, a hat, sunscreen, etc...but in the bright bright sun nonetheless and participated in a 20 min fun walk/run with the running room. Years ago I would've been running it, but I considered myself blessed to be able to walk it on such a beautiful day...today I woke up exhausted. I knew that I probably would...but I still feel trapped. I've kept my spirits up fairly well, but I actually was talking on the phone today to a guy to do with medical care, and ended up bawling on the phone. Just one of those days over all. I'm sure most, if not all of you, have had a day from time to time. Tomorrow's a fresh I know, but today's been emotionally hard. I need to grieve the freedom I've lost in just going for a walk in the middle of the day and not paying for it..ya know? Tomorrow I'm going searching for a sun umbrella to bring out with me so that I can go with my friends..we'll see how that goes. Thanks for listening everyone. Just needed to share with people who really get it. Most people around will try to say, I know what it's like...but they really don't. How could they without having lupus? or another chronic disease...it just kinda rubs it in. Anyways, that's more "whining" than I usually do, so please forgive me...I just needed to get it out. I hope you are all having a better emotional day than I am.
It is God that gives me the strength to carry on in the valleys of life and the wings to fly to the mountain tops
Dx: Diagnosed with Epilepsy Jan 2005, SLE July 2007, since then, Raynauds, Alopetia Areta, Vasculitis, discoid lesions, Endemetriosis March 2008. Meds: Tegretol, Imuran, Plaquenil, quite often Flurbiprofen and Rabeprezole, as well as various other supplements/vitamins.