wanting a baby and I have lupus

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hootyhu
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 12/15/2010 11:14 PM (GMT -6)   
hi All,
 
I am really just venting and I want some feedback from everyone.
 
I am 33 and we have one daughter and we were plannng on a second child but then I have been recently dx with SLE and I have also recently started plaq.  My husband (who is in denail about it all) just told me that, "Since you have Lupus I dont want to have another baby, it is bad enough that you could of passed it on to our daughter."   WOW! can my hubby be an *** at times!
 
he has a high risk job so if he dies on the job (I don't wish that, of course) and I get really sick and all I would like our daughter to have a sibling to go through everything with. Is that wrong?  I know that just because I have something doesn't mean that my kids will and I have heard that Lupus seems to skip generations (I have no idea if there is any truth to that).  Am I being selfish for wanting another baby?  I also know that if I take care of myself I might not have a lot of complications. I am lucky that I did get a dx early....anyway, what are your thoughts?
 
Thanks, Gretchen
DX 11/2010 Lupus and possibly RA overlap

meds:plaq 200mg, pred pack when needed.

J.P.
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 12/16/2010 3:37 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't think you're being selfish for wanting another baby. Have you tried telling your husband that you want your daughter to have a sibling? I don't see why you shouldn't be able to as long as you are healthy enough still. Sometimes it's hard to get men to understand, but I think that was mean of him putting the whole hereditary thing on you. I worry about my daughters, too, but I'm sure if we asked our kids would they rather be here knowing they could get ill they would still want to be here. Of course everyone is different but most people are grateful for life. Hopefully you have a good support network to help you.

hootyhu
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 12/16/2010 10:31 PM (GMT -6)   
J.P.
 
I have told my hubby that I want our daughter to have a sibling and that he doesn't even want to discuss it.  I understand that it is hard for him....he is uncertain and probably still a little in denial about it all...I get it, I really do! But I want our little girl to not face the future all alone (for whatever reason).  She has no cousins to speak of. (my husbands nephew is autistic and we have only seen him once, my hubby and his sister don't speak) My sister will probably never have children....another long story.  
 
I am hoping that he will just let things sink in and see that I am healthy enough (right now anyway) and he might just change his mind.....here is to crossing my fingers!
DX 11/2010 Lupus and possibly RA overlap

meds:plaq 200mg, pred pack when needed.

J.P.
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 12/16/2010 11:25 PM (GMT -6)   
hootyhu

My hubby makes decisions and then decides thats the end of the conversation, makes me so mad sometimes. I hope you two are able to agree on what is best for everybody. I don't know about the plaq. Will you have to stop it if you do decide to have another child?

hootyhu
New Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 18
   Posted 12/17/2010 8:27 PM (GMT -6)   
my Rheumy says that Plaq. and pred packs (when needed) are ok when pregnant. I guess because Im only on 200 mg a day.....everything I have read says not to be on plaq unless you have too but I have had 2 docs tell me that it is ok. I have just started the plaq and have been on it for 1 week now so we will see if it makes me feel any better.
DX 11/2010 Lupus and possibly RA overlap

meds:plaq 200mg, pred pack when needed.

J.P.
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2010
Total Posts : 86
   Posted 12/19/2010 1:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Just wanted to apologize for my comment about how hard it can be to get "men" to understand. I think a better way of phrasing that would of been other people in general or significant others or even spouses. So, sorry all you guys out there, I hope I didn't offend anyone.

J.P.

pugpuppy
Regular Member


Date Joined Nov 2010
Total Posts : 68
   Posted 12/19/2010 4:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Iwas just reading your posts. I have to say that I understand both sides, beings that i have 2 girls and I wouldn't trade them for the world but I pray that they and my grandbabies don't get lupus. I feel guilty all the time and worry.

What does the Dr. say about how hard it will be on you? i don't know anyone who is/has been preg. with lupus.

Would he consider adoption?

maybe that could be an option?
There can't be a crisses next week. My schedule is already full.
Henry Kissinger

suetoo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 12/21/2010 9:18 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi! Gretchen,
I know what it's like to want another child. And your reasons, whatever they are, are yours alone and NO one, husband or not, can judge the risks any better than you. I knew that if I got pregnant, I would at least have a chance at having another baby, and if I didn't, no chance at all.  After my son died inutero, I wanted to die, too. I was determined to have another baby no matter what God said. And, I have alot of regrets about what I put my family through.  I have two, beautiful and healthy daughters, after they were born, I had a stillborn son because of a strep b infection, and then 5 9 week miscarriages due to antiphospholipid antibody syndrome that wasn't diagnosed until my last miscarriage. My APS was the clue that led to my dx. of lupus. When I saw my rheumy, I asked specifically about the risk to my daughters getting an autoimmune illness. He told me there was a 3-5% increased chance they could develop lupus. There is a genetic connection. But my side of the family is significant for ankylosing spondylitis, brother, Grave's disease, mother, sarcoidosis, 1st cousin, and Hashimoto's. So my genetics and where we live, predispose me from square one.  But, both my girls were exclusively breastfed, for a full 14 months, never even had cow's milk in their cereal until they weaned themselves to a sippy cup and whole milk at 12 -14 months, and the doc said that would be a protection in itself. I think there are alot of other diseases that might be more of a risk. If you really think about all the reasons babies are born damaged, ie, drinking alcohol before you even know you are pregnant...... fetal alcohol syndrome, it is a miracle ANY baby is born healthy anymore. Being as healthy as possible, with lots of good nutrition before you even try and conceive, would balance out the risk. Ask your rheumy for a referral to an OB with lots of experience with autoimmune illness, and talk to her, maybe your husband would feel less worried and afraid armed with facts. God bless and good luck
suetoo

God knows, even if I don't....
CNS Lupus 2005, APS, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis
Meds: Plaquenil, Neurontin, Thyroid, meloxicam, Aspirin, Atenolol and Norvasc, Prednisone 5mg daily. Vit. B12 2400 mcgs, Vit D 1000U and  Ambien every night.
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