I know the feeling of "ok, i've played this game long enough" i don't want to play this one anymore. you're here for a reason. I am going through a flare and feeling like it would be nice if drs. could just like put us to sleep for a good three days of rest. lol. I am not familiar with mctd? find something to distract you. i know it is almost impossible. if you are feeling that overwhelmed call your rheumy and go in, maybe they can put you on a medrol pack until the med kicks in. if you are feeling like you are loosing it... call your dr at least, suggest to him after the med starts working you want to go to a pain clinic. i learned a ton from going to one. Physical therapy and massage help a lot, biofeedback, deep breathing (for me in a dark room, with no noise or sometimes relaxing music) can really help. I really know how you feel. Auto immune diseases are frustrating to say the least. it is a challenge, for whatever the reason some people get to try to learn to live with.
You are in my prayers. Please keep me posted on how you are feeling. please call someone when you are in that amount of pain, then the vicious circle of anxiety begins...will it ever get better, remission, is this the best it is... I promise you it may take time and some very patient drs. but you will have bad days and they wont seem so bad... you will be able to see joy in little things. I know right now that seems impossible. i am not a dr. just a little sicky...with 2 Auto immune, persian gulf illness, gerd, ibs, depression (at times) and anxiety and that is the tip of the ice berg.
Look for the simple things that bring joy, Own your disease don't let it own you. I still have problems with that but i try really hard.
God bless you and help you make healthy choices, may He be with your Dr.s in making treatment plan, and help you convey your thoughts clearly to your drs.
with healing thoughts