Helping out the caregivers in our lives

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Josborne
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/27/2011 7:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I am sure I am not the only one who has caregivers that get frustrated with us being sick.  My husband is just the best 99% of the time.  I just feel for him when there is nothing he can do to fix it, or when he needs a minute to himself.  We have 3 little kids and I am sure would like a break when he gets home, but when I have Home Schooled all day and kept them fed...well you know the rest.  Sometimes it is all I can do to make it till when he gets home.
 
I would love some advice concerning what I can do to help him out when he gets in a little funk, from having to cope with so much.  I know that the better I take care of myself the less he has to do in the end, but sometimes even if I do all the right things I am still beat by 6 pm.
 
My children are great for helping around the house and I am super blessed to have a lady to clean every 2 weeks.  So he doesn't have to do much with the running of the house, other than bills...but when his job gets stressfull and I am in a flare, well it can be a lot.
 
So if anyone has any ideas...I am all ears!

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 3/28/2011 10:40 AM (GMT -6)   
I know it's something you might not want to do, but have you considered sending your children to public or private school? It would be less taxing on you during the daytime. They will still get a good education and you will have some stress taken off of you.
As an elementary school teacher I do understand your fears of public education, but there are some wonderful teachers out there. Also the socialization skills your children will learn will help them in the future.
Joy

Josborne
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/28/2011 12:20 PM (GMT -6)   
It isn't that I fear sending my kids to school. I really love home schooling. It gives me purpose and I look forward to it almost every day :) Besides if I put my 8 year old in school I would lose my greatest helper on the days when I am less than on my game. She gets lots of time with other kids. So she is fine in social settings.

I also have lots of flexibilty with my schedule. If I have not slept well, I do not have to jump out bed and get her to school. We generally start at 9 but if we have to begin later...oh well.

Thanks for your advice and understanding.

southerndiva
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2009
Total Posts : 122
   Posted 3/28/2011 4:31 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello Josborne,
Well, I never homeschooled my kids either, but I'm sure you do get great rewards from it, but what I think what Joy is trying to tell you that you still need to find time during the day to rest and that's hard to do when you have three little ones at home.  When I was first diagnosed with lupus 2 years ago I really had a hard time admitting that I couldn't keep doing everything that I was doing and that I needed to ask for help and to also say NO more often to getting involved in activities that were taxing on the body.  I am a type A individual so that really took some work to rechange the way I thought about things.  My husband was a godsend and I'm guessing that yours is as well and I needed to learn to accept the help and stop feeling guilty that I wasn't doing my part.  Let's face it, whether you have lupus or not, parenting is a fulltime job and when your husband walks through the door from a stressful day I'm sure he wants to have time to wind down.  But you can't always predict what days are going to be bad for either one of you, so it's just important that you communicate and try to meet each other's needs the best way that you can.  Do you have family at all in the area that can help on your flaring days by maybe taking the kids for a few hours so you can regroup so your husband isn't walking through the door to a exhausted wife who will only get worse if she doesn't take care of herself.  What about other friends or families who also homeschool?  Maybe you could work out some kind of arrangement that when you are flaring bad someone else can school your kids that day or do special projects with their kids and then you take their kids for a day.  Just a thought.  All I know is this, if you don't listen to your body, your health will suffer and I'm sure your husband does not want to see that happen because you won't be there for the kids as well. Good luck, I know your pain, both physical and mental as it may be.
Hugs and Angels,
Lynnette
 
DX - lupus and carpal tunnel
RX - plaquenil, prednisone, lisiniprol, etolodac, tramadol (as needed) hormones and lots of vitamins

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 3/28/2011 5:00 PM (GMT -6)   
That's what I mean, Lynnette.
She needs a break sometimes.... Some ME time.
Joy

suetoo
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2006
Total Posts : 395
   Posted 3/29/2011 9:29 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi! Josbome and everyone,
I know just what you mean about the end of the day exhaustion. On the joy filled days I am able to babysit for my 2 1/2 yr. old grandaughter, the after lunch hours are tough. I have been able to structure her routine and 'the rules' to keep her playing in full view while I lay on the couch for an hour. I set up a play corner with a little table and stacked crates as toy shelves in the living room. May I suggest a family meeting with your kids, and husband, and write a "Game Plan/Lesson Plan" for the hour or two before your husband walks in the door? I am a retired nurse/teacher, too and maybe your kids could help you write a plan to make those hours easier on everyone. Give everyone a note pad, a turn to speak, and give you ideas for helping the family support you through this time of the school day. Maybe you could use the same lesson plan format you use for your curriculum. For example:
Problem-> mom too sick and tired between 2-4pm to function and needs rest for her health and wellbeing
Plan-> each child/student to do age appropriate, self directed activity in school room, (could be project on computer, tv time, reading assisgnments, etc), siblings will use buddy system for problems or concerns, ( littlest will ask middler, middler will seek eldest, eldest with punt up to mom, on couch)
Implementation-> using a reward system, an emegency plan in case mom falls asleep, and dad's opiniion as to what needs to happen when he walks through the door to make this work for him, too.
Write rule list with policies and procedures spelled out to post in classroom.
Set up sleep corner for mom, crates stacked up make a wonderful wall for privacy
Evaluation->is the new routine helping, do we need to amend the rules or activity or time, and finally, vote on a family reward if this plan is working, like a family trip to the zoo or movie, or let each family member, (even daddy) pick an activity, perhaps every month, taking turns.
Good luck and keep us posted,
hugs,
suetoo

God knows, even if I don't....
CNS Lupus 2005, APS, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis
Meds: Plaquenil, Neurontin, Thyroid, meloxicam, Aspirin, Atenolol and Norvasc, Prednisone 5mg daily. Vit. B12 2400 mcgs, Vit D 1000U and  Ambien every night.

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 3/29/2011 9:53 AM (GMT -6)   
Great idea, Suetoo!
Joy

Josborne
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 3/29/2011 12:22 PM (GMT -6)   
Oh girls those are great ideas! I will put them in effect and I will let you know how well they are working in a few days. I think I just neede to be reminded that I don't have to do it all...all the time:)

Josborne
New Member


Date Joined Mar 2011
Total Posts : 19
   Posted 4/2/2011 10:17 PM (GMT -6)   
I think that mornings are the time when I feel the most "in over my head". I know it is because that use to be my best time of the day. I would get up an hour before everyone and get my self geared up for the day. Now I feel like I am pregnant or have the flu every day. I am so tired I can hardly get my legs out of bed, and my mind won't clear for at least an hour or longer.

So at your suggestions my husband helped me come up with a plan. He gets up and gets the kids rolling. Beds made, getting dressed, breakfast cooked and eaten. All this happens before I leave my bedroom. Now I know that the kids can do most of this solo. My kids are 8, almost 5 and 2. The just need a bit of coaxing and staying focused. But I feel foolishly like I am cheating the system somehow.

I do know that I am much more likely to stay strong later in the day with this new routine. And keeping my energy steady is really important when I have the kids by myself. So thanks for your ideas. Just keep me in your prayers that I don't feel too guilty about trying them.

donnaeil
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1156
   Posted 4/15/2011 2:10 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi,

I do not have lupus. Instead I suffer from fibromyalgia and a couple of other illnesses.

However, I homeschooled my three children until they entered college. Homeschooling is not as difficult as people imagine because they think having children learn is so difficult.

What I did during my most miserable times is unschooled. I supplied all the resources and materials that supported my children's illness. Another help would be to hire an older homeschooled teen to baby sit while you rest at home. Since they understand how homeschoolers behave and think, they make great stand ins.

My children learned to understand my pain and are very compassionate because of my illnesses.

Keep up the good work and continue enjoying your children.

Donnaeil

P.S. You know that stuff about homeschoolers lacking important socialization skills is a myth.
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