Hi Panther Fern:
I've been with the forum a long time, and I'm really sick so I normally don't post. However, I do read the posts and I felt I needed to respond to you. I understand where you are right now in your relationship and how you feel. My husband and I have been married 26 years and he retired from the military after 22 years on active duty. He works a job full time and does all the stuff here at home and then he cares for me. On the weekends he finds his solace in drinking all weekend.
It's hard for our husbands to see us in the conditions we are in. I've suffered with lupus for 23 years. Then I had fibro added on, the RA. My last biggest problem is a form of blood cancer caused by one of the meds I took to treat my lupus. I'm very very weak, I'm on oxygen 24/7, and need blood transfusions every few weeks. I shake and tremble, I'm now starting to shower myself, up until then my husband has been having to give me a bath.
I asked my husband why he didn't hold my hand anymore, or why he doesn't kiss me anymore, why things are just not the same. He replied "you're so sick I don't want to bother you". I know I'm unable to do the things I use to, if we go out I have to use a wheelchair and he has to push me. Our husband are military men they handle and fix things. They can't fix the lupus and mine certainly can't fix my blood cancer now. I also think personally in my case I've been on pred for 10 years and I've got all the side effects from it I look so funny, I've got tiny chicken legs and a huge round tummy. Oh and I can't forget the hump on my back. I don't know if it's whats causing my hubby to be distant I mean I don't look like the woman he married at all. I think he looks at me as a burden at times but he's never violent with me. He reminds me that our vows were "in sickness and health till death do us part".
So my suggestion to you is this go up and give your hubby and kiss on the cheek and a big hug. I know we need the support but they need some too. They are fighting for us too we just don't see it. They may not understand at times how we are feeling, and they may get short tempered with us. I've found it's the doctors who my hubby is most upset with. Sit down with your spouse and explain how your feeling Let him read the spoon theory. You may find that your hubby is just afraid to be affectionate with you cause you're so sick. Talk to him and let him know you miss him and even tho you're sick you need him to be there as your rock.
Anyway, I want to wish you the best and I hope that the doctors can get things under control for you.