I have had the worst day ever
by the time I got to my car in the parking garage at the hospital I was in tears. Now I normally stay pretty stoic thru most of what happens as far as my health goes. However, today I just fell apart. I have mentioned before that I am struggling with warts on my thumbs. Both thumbs are in terrible shape, and the pain from them is really high. I can not put my earrings in or button up any of my shirts.
Well for the past two weeks, my dermatologist put a cream with a chemo drug in it and then wrapped one on my thumbs the left one. I am right handed, so needless to say I had some difficulties with doing things that required two hands. I wasn't allowed to get the thumb wet. Anyway, the Dr removed the bandage and numbed up the thumb and began to cut away the softened parts from the chemo being on the wart. Well I managed okay until he started cutting on the pad part of the thumb. The pain was unbearable, he injected more numbing stuff and tried to cut again. I couldn't handle it so we stopped.
They then wanted to laser my other thumb and two other fingers. Well, left me say this I nearly jumped off the table as each zap came. They put goggles on you and you can't see a thing, they'd count to three and ZAP
I thought I was going to kick him. Anyway, they keep saying the reason the warts won't disappear is because of my immuno suppression. Well, they've found that my immune system has a bigger problem and it's not just the drugs I take. They don't know what to do, I've suggested just cutting the thumbs off, they weren't to
open to that suggestion.
My fingers hurt so badly tonight. I cried all the way home today. I am having issues with my heart, my thumbs are totally useless plus I am now getting warts in other areas. I HAVE HAD IT, I can not continue to fight anymore. I feel like a HUGE burden to my hubby and my daughter. I have no friends locally and I spend my days either at the hospital or here alone till hubby gets home. By then I am totally wiped out and just want to crawl in bed with the covers pulled over my head.
Please pray or send positive thoughts my way. I hope that tomorrow is a better day. I just don't know how much more I can handle. Thamks for letting me vent.