I had 3 little kids when I was dx, 7 month old, 3, 5. Took me 2-3 years before I realized and figured out how to pace myself so I can do things for the kids and the house and HUBBY!! It is all a learning game at first. Not only learning, but you actually fight against it and try to be normal and that sets you back. But eventually, you get smart and say....hey,,, I hate this and then is when you start respecting the illness and start pacing yourself and learning how to live a quality life and med's are now helping. It takes time.
You learn to let things be clean one room at a time. Monday front room, Tues, kitchen, etc... Also, we learn what food to cook that is easy and nutritious on bad days. I have someone come in and mop my floors, just too big of a job for me. We call our laundry day,, a folding party!!!! and make it a game and fun (when they were little and big).
Also, the children also start learning responsibility. They need to help out and pickup the cleaning. It doesn't hurt children at all. Take the time and teach them. One lady told me her mother use to come in and would have a teaching moment and teach the children how to clean a fridge, how to mop a floor, how to clean a toilet... then when all teaching was done, they went out to lunch or made brownies or went to the park and played!
When my children, (now 28, 31, 33) went off to college, they were ever so grateful their mother and father taught them how to work and clean. It not only helped with school studies and found out there were a lot of spoiled, baby adult children out there that didn't know how to lift a finger cleaning an apartment. They later praised mom and dad.
Also on the relationship... love, love, love. Do what you can. You are running faster than you feet can keep up. Slow down,,, give it time,,, and the biggest, best concept in marriage or illness is COMMUNICATION, Communication, communication!!!!!!!!!!!! that is how it is done. All marriages have their down side, it is how long you stay in the "fight-down" side that matters, the quicker you pull out the happier your marriage, but we all have bad along with the good. Take her out, just the two of you, even if it is just for a ride in the car.... (we were poor, dates don't have to involve money).
anyway.... one thing... sometimes, not to be mean, you will never really understand what she feels like... you have to have the illness to understand, but nobody would wish that on anyone.... so you learn to recognize the signs.. when she is really struggling or you just know when she is not having a good day. you look for those signs (when she see you can tell, she feels supported) . My kids, and mother can tell I am having a bad day in just how my voice comes across (on days i don't want them to know I am feeling yucky). I know you cam learn to pick up on small things and signs,Then your wife appreciates you. Sometimes just understanding is better then all the doing everything for her. Also, the sick person has to have part of the responsibility too, she needs to communicate and not ever ever use her illness to get out of things on purpose, but save it for days she really needs the help. it is a 2 way street, both have to communicate and give.
Anyway... my 2 bits.... As a saying goes,,,, the best way to live a healthy life is to have a chronic illness and learn to take care of it!!!!!!!!!!!
Post Edited (einsteinb) : 11/18/2012 9:06:37 AM (GMT-7)