Thank you guys so much! I'm sitting here crying reading your replies and encouragement. I know I push myself too far and I don't know why I continue to do it. I guess because I feel like I have an obligation to my patients and my coworkers to be there for them, even if I'm not 100%. I've never wanted to be anything but a nurse and I've finally found the place that I absolutely love and I feel like its slowly slipping through my fingers. I feel like some days I just can't do my job. Or when I push myself so hard and I get to my car after 13 hours of work, I find myself crying all the way home just from the pain. I don't want to give up on my dreams just because of this stupid disease.
I not only push myself at work though, I push myself at home. I have a wonderful husband that does everything in his power to help me but its hard because he works swing shift 6 days a week. He puts in overtime to make up for my days that I miss. With all the working he's doing I really don't HAVE to work but I do because I love it and I feel guilty if it was just him working his butt off. With him working so much, its hard for him to help with house work because he's trying to maintain our vehicles, taking care of the outside of our house, cook when I have to work and just plain have some down time for himself. I feel like I can't ask much more of him. So I've been trying to learn to let housework go by the waist side and just do it little by little when I can.
Luckily I go to school online so I can lay in bed and read my assignments or sit in the recliner and not have to physically go to class. I'm currently getting my bachelor's in nursing and want to go straight into my master's. I've been doing this because I know I cannot do floor nursing forever because if my body is revolting this bad already and I'm 24, I don't want to think of 50. I just don't want to have to give up my dreams because I physically cannot do it.
As for my rheumy, I absolutely love her. She's trying her hardest to help me but I am one of 4 of her patients that has lupus. The rest are RA, etc. I am getting a second opinion next week, not because I don't trust her, its just I want someone else to look at the big picture and maybe see something we're not.
I greatly appreciate the love and it warms my heart to think someone in the world out there cares about
I pray for less painful days and nights for all of us and I will keep up with you guys! Much love ~Nicole
Endometriosis 2011, Lupus & Raynaud's March 2012
Meds- Lo Loestrin Fe, Plaquenil, Prednisone, CellCept, Prilosec, Celebrex, Tramadol