Welcome to our forum, I'm sorry to hear that you have multiple health issues and are worried and scared. Let me say to you that you need to take a deep breath and not get yourself worked up to bad yet.
I'm sorry about your friends passing and I can understand your worries. I've had lupus for 25 years now and lupus varies from patient to patient. Your ANA actually isn't really high. A normal ANA is considered 1:40, low positive 1:80, next would be 1:160, 1:320, and they double on up from there. I know many friends with lupus with much much higher numbers. There are several other tests that need to be looked at. Just having a positive ANA doesn't mean you have lupus for sure.
It's good you're going to see a Rheumy, make a journal of any and all symptoms you may currently have or have had. They will run loads of blood work and examine you over.
Lupus is the diease of 1,000 faces and like I said some have mild lupus and some severe. Having lupus isn't a death sentence like it used to be considered. Medicine has improved and Drs are much better equipped to control our disease. Some need meds and others don't or very little.
Stress is one of the worst things for us,so try to not stress yourself to much, wait and see what the Dr has to say. If you have any questions ask away, there are many good folks here with loads of knowledge.
I'm sorry you're not doing well, but try not to worry to much. If you haven't done so check out lupus.org it has lots of helpful info.