Barbara Lee said...
I can't begin to express how much of a BURDEN, FAILURE, TROUBLE MAKER, JUST ALL AROUND LOSER I FEEL LIKE. I feel so GUILTY...
You may feel like all of those things are true, and maybe they would be partially true IF YOU HAD CHOSEN to be sick. But you DIDN'T CHOSE it, and you do a darn sight more than you should. If you were laying around bellyaching, that would be one thing....BUT YOU DON'T!!! You are doing your best, and that is all anyone should be asking of you!
I know sometimes you might share more with her than you would like -- it's hard to resist when she's the person around. I wish you had a group, like a therapy group, where you could let it all out to people "with skin" -- that is, people who can give you real flesh & blood hugs...it isn't the same on here.
And yes, she is still young in so many ways, but the truth is important. My mother was much more ill than she let on when I moved 800 miles away. If I had known I might have made different choices, and been more present for her last 2 years. As it is, I wasn't given the truth and will always feel like I have been robbed of the chance to do better.
Hang in there, my friend. You haven't done anything wrong - you are doing the best you can, as are your family. I wish all of you could have some relief, and I'd send it to you if it were at all possible.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's ModeratorDIAGNOSING LUPUS & LUPUS RESOURCES
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously" - Oscar Wilde