Lupus has been in my life since 1997. By this point in the journey I have gotten used to (mostly) the ups and downs, but this one caught me off guard. Two days ago I started experiencing a little more arthralgia than usual. I dismissed it and attributed it to the weather, which has changed and the bit of rain we had. Yesterday I woke up and could barely stand the pain when my feet hit the floor. I ached all over. My body felt hot. And my brain was fuzzy. I stayed home and did very little, which was good, pampering myself and taking good rest. By evening, I felt a bit better and went out to help celebrate a student's 18th birthday. Got home at a very reasonable hour, relaxed with my husband, reading and watching some television, all the while sensing that sensation that precipitates a flare circling the edges of my body. I woke up this morning completely miserable. Thankfully, today was a Prednisone day, which helped. But I ignored my body's request to take a sick day and went to work instead. To make a long story short, adrenaline ruled my day as I worked with high energy 7th through 12 graders. When I finally got in the car to drive home, I collapsed and felt the overwhelming fatigue grab me by the throat. I got home a compete basket case. My brain wouldn't even work!
I am feeling discouraged and depressed. I had wanted to go out this evening to listen to a talk that interested me. But like always, it's hard for me to plan because this unpredictable disease comes at me at times when I least expect it. That's what frustrates me. I want to have my normal life back. I don't want to have my choices determined by something I have no control over. I just want to feel good and healthy and strong. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for listening. I just had to get this off my chest.