I'm Flaring Big Time

New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
114 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2  3  4  5 
[ << Previous Thread | Next Thread >> ]

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 4/8/2014 11:55 PM (GMT -6)   
Okay, I'm gonna vent a bit sorry. I'm in the middle of a huge flare up. I know last week with my friend here to help me, I should be feeling well. However, I'm not, I felt as if I needed to be up when she was up and spend time with her. I know she didn't expect me to be up all the time, but I just couldn't help it.

I guess I also feel as if I maybe disappointed her a lot. She had brought 16 movies with her for us to watch movies. She really wanted to get my hubby to watch them too, of course, he doesn't watch movies. I know she thought he'd do it for her but he refused, like he does with me. She and I only managed to watch 2 of the 16. My days are spent so busy with Dr appointments, pulmonary rehab, physical therapy, etc. that I just don't have time to sit and watch a lot of movies.

My daughter who is 21 and was home from college on spring break, basically lived in her bedroom the whole 6 days my friend was here. I'd try to stay awake late enough to get a stolen moment here and there with my daughter. That was very hard to do and I ended up only getting about 3 hours with my daughter before she had to return to college. sad Now, I'm back to hearing from her only when she has time to contact me, which isn't very often.

My foot is killing me and my pulmonary rehab therapist lost her temper with me today. My Dr has instructed me to push ahead even if it hurts. The therapist doesn't agree with this nor understands the reasoning behind it. My physical therapist said he'd give her a call and try to explain to her that my pain is never going to go away. That by me stopping and just resting all the time will only do me a disservice. When he worked on my foot and back tonight he couldn't believe how swollen the foot was and how tight my back was. He also mentioned that I'm looking really pale again and asked if I needed blood again.

I'm tired beyond belief, my chest hurts and I'm certain I've got pericarditis again. Guess I need to give my cardiologist a call, my joints are swollen and red. My ulcers in my mouth and my tongue are so sore, ever since my MTX has reached the level it's at I can barely tolerate most foods. I ate a salad tonight with just plain ranch dressing and I felt as if my tongue was on fire. I don't know I'm thinking I'd rather start traditional chemotherapy to treat my LGL instead of the high doses of MTX at this time. Of course, my oncologist wouldn't agree with that at the moment.

I see my oncologist on the 29th of April, I'm going to again try to get him to understand just how badly I'm feeling these days. I really am ready to give up on life, telling me this is the best I'll ever be and I need to accept that is really hard. I can't begin to imagine what worse is going to feel like and how I'm going to cope with it. I just want to feel a bit better and less pain, really am I asking to much? This constant living at a solid 8 out 10 24/7 is getting old.

I'm feeling more and more depressed, I'm unhappy with the way things are here at home. I miss my daughter terribly and I know 21 is an awful age and she's been thru a lot with me. My therapist believes that she's putting distance between us, so that she thinks it won't hurt as much when I die. Of course, I know to have your Mom pass away is a terrible loss and it hurts no matter what. I wish she'd listen to me, cause I know she's going to regret that she didn't call and check up on me or spend time with me once I'm gone.

Poor hubby is on call 24/7 and I really believe he's burned out. I really wish I could talk him into going to see his parents for a week. I keep assuring him I'll be fine on my own, but he won't go w/o me or having our daughter here to watch over me. He really doesn't get that I hate being such a huge burden on them. I know I shouldn't worry what others think but I do, that's just the way I am.

I know that I'm worried my friend is upset with me for raising my voice and pounding on the counter about my childhood and teenage years with an abusive parent. She said something to me that really now has me thinking that maybe the abuse was my fault and maybe I should have done something once I was a teenager. Gosh I just don't know, guess my shrink will get an ear full tomorrow.

For now, I'm going to sit on the couch with a heating pad for a bit and hope to ease the pain in my back and hips so that I can go lay down to sleep. I hope you are all doing better than I'm doing right now. I'm sorry that I've been away, but I'll try even harder to post more often. Between not physically feeling well and mentally being down, I feel like Debbie Downer and you've all heard it before from me.

I'll be keeping you all in my prayers and for the new members welcome to our forum and hopefully, I'll be able to respond to some of your posts soon. Hang in there if you've not gotten your DX yet. Lupus is really hard to DX. I've had this dreaded disease for 26 years and it took my Dr's 13 years to finally begin to treat me. I truly believe that if they would have treated me sooner I wouldn't be so sick today. So, to those of you who are new keep at those Dr's don't let them talk you into it being in your head or anything such thing.

Take care everyone and I'll post soon I promise.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2608
   Posted 4/9/2014 2:06 AM (GMT -6)   
You have all the right in the world to vent, Berb, especially here! But don't let your mind play the guilt trip game with you. When you were a teen, you were still a child & anyone who suggests that you could have stopped the abuse didn't go through it themselves. It's a shame you didn't get the quality time you wanted with your friend or your daughter. As sick as you are, I don't know how you cram it all in. Is your daughter spending the summer at home?
SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg?

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 4/9/2014 2:08 AM (GMT -6)   
Good to hear from you, barabra.
I wish there was something I could do to ease your pain.
All I can do is offer you hugs and an ear to listen.

(((((((((((Hug)))))))))))
Joy
Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Asthma, Hypothyriodism, Sleep Apnea, OA, Depression, Allergies, and benign familia tremors

When life throws you lemons....
Pick them up and throw them right back at them! :))

acquiesce
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 360
   Posted 4/9/2014 8:11 AM (GMT -6)   
Some days I wish I had a magic wand and/or millions of dollars as I would love to help you all. :(

My parents were emotionally abusive and then I married an emotionally abusive man. Anyone who suggests that it was your fault or that you could have done more as a teenager just absolutely, positively does not understand how that situation can be. At all. Please don't take on that additional emotional burden.

I'm so sorry your daughter is being distant. I hope she will come around soon.

Sending a hug from across the miles..
UCTD , livedo reticularis, Raynauds, cold urticaria, endometriosis, bursitis, arthritis, Sjorgens, anemia, leukocytosis, vasculitis, pleurisy, asthma and all that fun stuff!

Plaquenil, celebrex, advair, flovent, dovobet, vitamin A,B,C,D,E fghijklmnop ;)

Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss

oreo11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 399
   Posted 4/9/2014 10:22 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara,

Venting is what we have to do when we are feeling both emotionally and physically drained. And we need to be able to express ourselves in a safe place, where people understand what it is like to be living with a chronic disease. My heart goes out to you Barbara. I wish that I could transport myself to your house and be that support for you for a week while your husband gets the support that he needs. Is there anyone else besides family that could do that for you? I know that my husband has used a camping trip when he feels overwhelmed with my issues. The time apart does both him and I a world of good. But it sounds like you need to have someone there with you. I really feel you should not be trying to go it alone at this time. I care about you and I am sending you a ((((((((((((((((((((((gentle hug)))))))))))))))))))))) and smile.

Love,
Laura

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4497
   Posted 4/9/2014 2:13 PM (GMT -6)   
Sorry I missed this post earlier Barbs.

I'm sorry your daughter is distancing herself. Maybe she's just trying to not be in your way. Death does hurt even if your distance yourself before or prepare. You may not feel it the same time but you eventually do. My father never expressed his emotions or showed us he care, at least that's what I thought. It's only recently I'm beginning to see that he expressed his love and care in a different way. Although he would not show it or say he cared, I'm beginning to see things he did that I think is signs of caring. I hope your daughter will come around and be close to you.

Sorry about the little mishap with your friend. However, you did not do anything wrong and you are not to be blamed for anything.

Hope you will feel better and get some rest.

Take Care

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 4/9/2014 9:56 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara I'm sorry you're feeling so ill and down. I hope you feel better really soon. Please don't blame yourself for the abuse you went through. It's not your fault. I'm sure your friend is ok with being with you, even though you didn't watch very many movies. At least you got to spend time together.

Take care of yourself.

love and hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees

DianeB
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2013
Total Posts : 1352
   Posted 4/9/2014 10:48 PM (GMT -6)   
darn girl.. feel better soonest !! We are here for you - vent away. Good to hear from you !

My kids are in their 30's.. So I am going to write now from my experience..

Children sometimes? Often? Usually? Grow away as they grow up..
Did not matter how much I loved them.. that is what mine did & that is normal (I THINK)

Sounds like your daughter has the confidence to be a self sufficient young woman
Maybe She is being withdrawn for reaso n you think.. Maybe she is being young & is p o that you are not well & this is how she deals with that anger.
I'm betting she loves you & you are a good parent.

Love is about OUR emotions for others & that is all we can control -OUR emotions..

I beat myself up a lot -a lot!- when my sons' teenage behaviour showed me such a lack of respect.. gradually I've learned that they are separate people. Had to let go. I am still disappointed in some of their choices but, again, not under my control. I was suppose to be able to make my own decisions at age 18.. so should they .. plenty of mistakes but how we learn

Abuse NOT the victims fault. You know that. I hope you misunderstood. Glad you have a therapist.

Hugs & prayers
Herniated cervical discs & other disc / spine issues, Arthritis, spurs
Injuries &/or pain to/in shoulders, elbows, wrists, knees, legs, ankles
Fibro / myofascial pain, neuralgia, neuritis

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 4/13/2014 8:12 PM (GMT -6)   
Thanks everyone for responding I promised an update and it's a bit late. I've had a few rough days. I had PT on Tuesday night and of course my therapist has a tendency to massage my foot to hard. However, Tuesday evening it didn't seem to bad. Anyway, I woke up on Wednesday and my left foot burned all day long.

On Thursday I awoke to a foot that was severely black and blue and swollen all the way up my calf. I went in to see him and he recommended I call my foot surgeon. Well, to no avail I couldn't speak with my Dr. My hubby made me get off the foot and use my crutches all weekend long. Well, the bruising is looking a lot better and the swelling isn't as bad.

The real downer though, is I started coughing yesterday evening and have been doing so since then. I've now got a slight temp, my lungs feel as if they are on fire. Every time I do this I end up with pneumonia and in the hospital. This is EXACTLY what happened at Christmas for me. I guess I'll be heading to the Dr or ER first thing in the AM. Lucky for me after my last ordeal, hubby is ready to take me to either appointment. He doesn't start teaching until Thursday so he'll be able to take time off if need be to get me settled into the hospital if I'm headed that way.

I just wanted to give you all a heads up that I might be away for a bit. Lynnwood, knows how to contact me by phone, so I'm sure she'll let you know if I end up in the hospital. I hope you all are feeling better and having less pain. I'm so tired of all of this I really am. This constant up and down with infections is for the birds. I know my oncologist told me that with my type of leukemia it's normally the infections that kill us before the cancer does.

Hubby and I were just talking about that June of 2015 will be a big one for us. It will be our 30th wedding anniversary and our daughter will be graduating from College. Hubby even said tonight, you better make it to this graduation, I missed her high school graduation in 2011. She found me nearly dead 4 days prior. I'm praying that I can make it to see her walk the aisle for College. Plus, hubby said I'd better live to see our 30th.

Oh well, I'm not going to focus on that stuff now. Right now I'm headed to my bed and I'll see how I feel in the morning. I hope you all have a good night.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

oreo11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 399
   Posted 4/13/2014 8:33 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara,

Every time I read your posts, my heart aches for you. I keep being reminded that all we really have is today and the moment that we have been graced with. We can't re-live the past (although I wish I could sometimes :) and we can only anticipate the future. It is so important for you to focus on the here and now so you can better. Your healing, both emotionally and physically is so important. Know that I am thinking of you and sending you a warm (((((((((((((((((gentle hug))))))))))))))) across these many miles of great country.

Love,
Laura

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 4/13/2014 8:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope you don't have to go in the hospital, but if you have to get well quick.

Take care of your foot and don't overdo it.

((((((hugs))))))
Joy
Lupus, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Asthma, Hypothyriodism, Sleep Apnea, OA, Depression, Allergies, and benign familia tremors

When life throws you lemons....
Pick them up and throw them right back at them! :))

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4497
   Posted 4/14/2014 10:25 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara,

I hope this will pass and you wouldn't have to be hospitalized. I'm glad your hubby is there for you and taking you to your apps.

Get your rest. Keeping you in my prayers and thoughts.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 4/15/2014 10:20 PM (GMT -6)   
Just wanted to give a quick update. I'm not doing well at all, today hubby took the day off and went to the hospital with me. I met with the foot surgeon and he ordered another MRI. That's to be done this Friday evening. I picked up my splint and I'm to wear it for 4 weeks.

At that point I'll go back to the foot surgeon and see where things stand. He's very very worried about taking me to surgery. He acknowledges though that he can't leave me in the amount of pain I'm in. He said that IF I have the surgery they will have to get my breathing tube in and then roll me over onto my stomach for the surgery. He said that's not a good position to have me in, as I've got serious lung issues anyway. The surgery may take up to 6 hours.

There's loads of concern that I won't come off the breathing tube once the surgery is over. Plus, with the need for him to graft in tendon I'll have to be totally non weight bearing for at least 6 weeks. He's worried about my lungs all the way around. Of course, sounding the way I did this morning didn't help reassure him at all.

After I saw him and picked up my splint. I had a chest x-ray done, my primary care Dr was suppose to call me back today to let me know IF I have pneumonia or not. Well it's 11:18pm and no phone call from her. Needless, to say we aren't to happy. My cough is worse, and I'm wheezing like I did the last time I had the stuff. Of course, I ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks that time. I'm praying that I'm not headed to the hospital yet again.

Once we got home, hubby took my cell phone from me and put me to bed. I slept most of the day, I have appointments tomorrow and I'm hoping that my PCM calls me first thing. I do have an appointment to see her on Thursday. Guess I'll wait it out, I really do not want to spend another long visit in the ER. I hope you are all doing well and can get some much needed rest tonight.

I'll update you again soon.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

Lynnwood
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7723
   Posted 4/15/2014 10:30 PM (GMT -6)   
PHOOEY! Sounds like a step or two backwards and not much forward progress. Glad hubby is trying to take care of you, though. Hugs.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & LUPUS RESOURCES
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2608
   Posted 4/16/2014 2:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Barb, I don't know how you get from one day to the next. I hope your doc calls with good news & you don't have pneumonia. Let us know.
SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg?

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4497
   Posted 4/16/2014 6:17 AM (GMT -6)   
Praying for you to get some good results from your doc, Barbs.

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Butterflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1650
   Posted 4/16/2014 11:01 AM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara. What a terrible situation! I'd also be frightened that I'd be left on the breathing tube. As for the pneumonia, I had a bad case in Feb, but doc didn't want to admit me for fear of my catching something else while an inpatient. So he gave me Levoquin 750mg to take at home with instructions to call me with my progress. Wow, what an awful cough! The codeine hardly helped. With hubby at work I went on the pneumonia diet. Even if you don't have pneumonia, you sound miserable so here's wishing you a proper diagnosis and speedy recovery. Love You! Donna
SLE '05, Sjogrens, fibro, Raynaud's, major depressive disorder, CNS problems, diastolic heart dysfunction, GERD, 1st stage kidney disease. Many meds: better living through chemistry

Donna
Sjogren's Moderator

oreo11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 399
   Posted 4/16/2014 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara,

You have so much on your plate! I wish I could take some of it and give you a little peace of mind. I am sending you all of my positive energy and a gentle (((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))).

Laura

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 4/19/2014 5:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hello well, I managed to get my MRI done last night. The tech wouldn't tell me much, except that there is still A LOT OF FLUID in the ankle area. I guess the steroid shot I went thru didn't do a darn thing for it. This splint is killing my foot. I hurts when I'm wearing it and it hurts when I'm not wearing it either.

I saw my PCM on Thursday and she said that my x-ray was clear of pneumonia and hoped that I stayed that way. She said I had a nasty virus in the lungs. However, she never listened to my chest and sent me on my way with the instructions if I get worse over the weekend go to the ER. Well, I coughed so bad yesterday, hubby went and purchased cough medication for me.

I'm sounding much worse and starting to wheeze a bit. We will see how I sound in the morning, if I'm worse or most likely the same, we'll be spending Easter Sunday in the ER. I really don't want to go into the hospital again, I'm so sick of it. Plus, our cat most likely has lymphoma in his GI track and I'm the one who gives him his medications at 5am. Can't quite see hubby getting up at 5am to give anti nausea medication to the cat and then sitting with him for an hour so he doesn't eat anything he's not suppose to.

I promised you all an update so here it is. I hope that you're doing better than I am cause I really feel terrible. I could use some prayers and positive energy sent my way. I hope you all are having a good Easter weekend and I hope that your evening goes well. Please take care and you're all in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

oreo11
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2011
Total Posts : 399
   Posted 4/19/2014 6:26 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara,

I hope that you don't get worse and I pray that you don't have to spend time in the ER on Sunday. So sorry to hear about your cat. I feel like you do need your rest, so let hubby deal with the cat for a few days. When my cats were ill and I had a big flare happening, I had to have my husband pitch in. It wasn't always pretty, but it helped me in the long run. I am keeping you close in my heart and thoughts.

Love,
Laura

momtofourangels
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2010
Total Posts : 2265
   Posted 4/20/2014 5:21 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Barbara I'm sorry you're feeling so bad. I hope you're feeling better today, and that you're not in the ER. I'm really glad you don't have pneumonia. Take care.

love and hugs
Loretta
Dx: osteoarthritis, bursitis in left hip, Osteoarthrits in right hip, compression fracture in thoracic spine due to falling on frozen ground March 2001 , ddd, spinal stenosis, bone spurs, osteoarthritis in spine, osteoarthritis in both knees

jan1952
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2014
Total Posts : 357
   Posted 4/20/2014 6:32 PM (GMT -6)   
Dear Barbara,

SOOO many people care for you and are sending a multitude of prayers, charged positive vibes, and generous hugs your way. I bet they include your husband in those miraculous feelings, too. And your kitty--and your daughter.

It's like a chain . . . so many of us read your posts, and although we might not write, your family goes right into the thought process of all good things . . . and then we tell a friend, and they keep you in their thoughts as well . . . and on and on.

Happy Easter, and I hope you've had a good day at home and relaxing.

Jan
"If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went."
Will Rogers

PattyLatty
Veteran Member


Date Joined Mar 2006
Total Posts : 2608
   Posted 4/20/2014 10:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Happy Easter Barb. You're very much in my prayers today.
SLE, fibro, renauds, restless leg?

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 4/20/2014 11:58 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Laura, Loretta, Jan, and Patty:

Thank you ladies for you wonderful words words to me and your support. Happy Easter to all of you here.

I got up around 10am this morning and went back to bed and slept until 5:45pm. Hubby, was out working on our yard, but every hour or so, he would come in an wake me up. I think he had to reassure himself I think. Anyway I after that I had another nap, then Lynnwood called and we had a nice little chat.

Hubby is already sounds asleep, and I'm now going to follow him there to dream my night away. He said if I'm still sounding as wheezy as I currently am, then the ER is on my agenda for tomorrow.

Just wanted to drop a line and let you know how things are with me. I hope you all had a great Easter and are feeling a lot better. I hope you all can sleep well tonight.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

auntkay
Veteran Member


Date Joined Apr 2004
Total Posts : 1205
   Posted 4/21/2014 12:47 PM (GMT -6)   
Hey Barb, just wanted to let you know your always in my thoughts and prayers. I hope you won't need the ER. I do know the last time we spoke on the phone you did sound pretty bad .So if you did have to go I pray you get to feeling better . Love you my friend Kay
New Topic Locked Topic Printable Version
114 posts in this thread.
Viewing Page :
 1  2  3  4  5 
Forum Information
Currently it is Sunday, September 23, 2018 2:04 AM (GMT -6)
There are a total of 3,005,799 posts in 329,264 threads.
View Active Threads


Who's Online
This forum has 161804 registered members. Please welcome our newest member, FADE IN:.
209 Guest(s), 7 Registered Member(s) are currently online.  Details
Georgia Hunter, FADE IN:, CatLady18, fighter87, fiddlecanoe, NotQuiteAntonio, colitisresearch