Just wanted to start a new post and let you know how things are going for me. Yesterday, I saw the surgeon and he removed my stitches from my incision. It was quite painful as they had been in almost 3 weeks. Then the Dr had the orthro tech put me into another cast. He told him to push my foot more into a normal position. Talk about
hurt it stretched my Achilles tendon and boy oh boy it hurt big time.
So, I'm in this current cast for 3 more weeks. I must spend the next 3 weeks w/o putting any weight on my foot. My surgeon told me that the first 3 months post op my foot will hurt just as badly as it did prior to the surgery. The next 3 months I should start to see improvement in my pain in the foot. He did tell me though that we won't know until I'm 1 year out if the surgery did me any good at all. He assured me he's in this with me for the long haul.
At the 6 month mark we will try to figure out if the left side of the left ankle is better or not. If not he will consider going in on that side and finish the repairs. He wasn't able to get to that side during my surgery as they had me laying on my side. He didn't want to roll me over and cut me on the other side. He was worried about
me having 2 incisions on the foot.
Needless, to say it's really hard to get around. Hubby prefers I not wheel myself into the kitchen because of the wood floors. I was starving when he got home tonight. Just got a bologna sandwich for dinner and some Cheetos. I managed to fix myself 2 soft baked pretzels this AM and some cherries. That's all I've had to eat today.
I hate to ask for anything, my hubby works hard all day long and then to come home and wait on me seems like it's to much for him. He seems to be under a lot of stress already and I hate putting more on him, so I just suck it up and cope on my own. Heck, I can afford to lose some weight anyway.
I know that Lynnwood told you all about
our having to put our cat, Grady, down last Thursday. Today was my first day in the house alone. My daughter went back to school this morning, and hubby was at work. I have to say, it was a hard day here at home. I kept expecting my buddy to jump up on my lap and paw at me for something to eat. He was part Siamese so he talked a lot to me and it was way way to quiet here in the house. I'm feeling pretty guilty that we didn't put him down sooner, he was so sick and miserable. Hubby is feeling the opposite he thinks we put him down way to soon, that we didn't let him get sick enough.
I feel so alone right now, my Mom, Dad, and Grady all told me they loved me and showed me by hugging and spending time with me. Grady, was a big lap cat and even though he didn't fit on my lap to well, he sat on it anyway. My hubby and daughter are more cold with their affections. I rarely get hugs from either of them, and never hear the words "I love you", unless I've said them first. I know that the two of them love me, they both help care for me and fetch things for me and such but it's nice to hear that you're loved. It's nice to be embraced and feel arms around you letting you know that you're loved.
I feel this huge black cloud coming over me, I'm dealing with depression on a daily basis as it is. I've been seeing a therapist for almost a year now. With my Grady gone, I'm all alone in the house and feeling like I have NO ONE. My Mom and Dad have passed away and now the cat. The three beings that I know LOVED ME are no longer here to let me know that. I'm in pain day in and day out, I feel like a HUGE burden on my family these days. I so wanted to cross on over with Grady last Thursday.
I'm still flaring pretty bad, the medicine team that took care of me in the hospital, cut me off my stress dose steroids to quickly. Ever since then I've been flaring up, my kidneys are hurting and the joint pain is terrible. I've canceled all my appointments until the week of the 14th of July. My daughter will be home that week and will be able to take me to my appointments. I really didn't want hubby to have to take anymore sick leave to take me anywhere.
Because, I have to use my wheelchair in the house, I'm pretty much confined to our bedroom. I rub the sides of the chair on the wooden door frames and hubby gets upset. So, I only leave our bedroom if I need food and no one is here. Hubby, will push me out into the family room on occasion in the evenings, I'm going crazy looking at them same four walls.
Hubby's birthday is Sunday, and I had bought his birthday card prior to Grady's passing and I had to throw it out. I had bought a card from the cat and a card with a cat on it from me. Since, he's feeling guilty about
putting the cat down I can't give them to him.
Well, I guess that's enough of my venting, I just had to get this stuff off my chest. I did get beautiful flowers from my Physical therapist which I thought was really nice. Basically, the foot hurts like heck, back, hips, neck, and kidneys are aching terribly bad. I'm sad, lonely, depressed and missing my cat big time. He was in our lives for 18 years 5 months and that's a long time to be with your family. I only pray with time the hurt lessens for me. I'm worrying about
my daughter and how she's coping with the cats passing. I'm hating my cast and not being able to put weight on my foot yet. 3 more weeks feels like an eternity for me.
I want to thank each and everyone of you for your support, prayers, positive energy, and love towards me. If I didn't have all of you in my life, I know that I'd truly be all alone. I hope you are all having better days than I am and that your pain is much less than mine. Please don't give up the fight in your quest to figure out what you have, or getting the correct treatment.
I do have a request, my pulmonary rehab therapist grandson has a very aggressive form of brain cancer. When they sent him home after chemo last week, the Doctors informed the family that his cancer has spread throughout his whole body and he needs hospice. Brayden is only 5 years old and he won't be with us to much longer. His parents have taken him to CA to see a holistic doctor to attempt to heal him. Please keep him and the family in your thoughts. If you pray, please pray, if you send positive energy then please do that for him. When we think we have it bad there is always someone who is worse off than we are.
Thank you and have a good night.
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.
Post Edited (Barbara Lee) : 6/24/2014 7:25:53 PM (GMT-6)