Just told about how depressed I am, darn it!

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Lynnwood
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Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7720
   Posted 12/3/2014 7:26 PM (GMT -6)   
So I don't ask for a lot of support from people. I live alone and get a lot of support from my best friend, but unless something is really necessary I try not to ask for support or to expect it.

So Sunday afternoon my (upstairs) washing machine sprung a leak while full of water. I was in the (downstairs) kitchen and only noticed this when the drop ceiling (those acoustical tiles) drops down onto the floor.

So I call my BF, who is working but can make her own hours, to bring over the shop vac. While she is here she spends a few minutes emptying a closet (which water is dropping down into) and mopping, but probably is only here less than an hour.

The day before (Saturday), we'd gone a a short (1 hour total) hike over uneven ground. Lately my Lupus problem-of-the-day has been serious inflammation and neuropathy on the bottoms of my feet. It flared up rather badly while we were walking -- I didn't even say anything, but guess I was walking like my feet hurt since she asked about them later in the day. Sunday they were still hurting enough so I'd starting in on a short burst of prednisone.

So anyway, after I got the water turned off and vacuumed/mopped as much as possible Sunday, I took meds and retired to my bed!! (Seemed the safest place to be.) Oh, that was after calling the plumber and my insurance agent.

Monday I talked to plumber & more insurance folks, but mostly nursed my feet. (Had to cancel my gym appt due to feet....sigh. That appt is kinda' a mental health break for me.) I worked on cleaning up some bits here & there, but not too much. BF came over & took me out to dinner Monday evening. All seemed well.

Tuesday plumber came, so did a floor remediation company -- turned out to be washer, not a plumbing problem, and not really enough water to involve the flood people. (Insurance made me call them.) BF & I went out to dinner again. Note that when I get stressed I loose my appetite and have no idea where or what to eat.

So today (Wednesday) I talked to a couple of repair people, have a washing machine guy coming - guys I talked to about kitchen ceiling repair (plus I figured it was a good time to throw in the rest of the to-do list) didn't seem all that interested. Said they'd call back, but I don't feel like they will.

So after work, BF called - we updated about each others day, and when I said I didn't think repair guys would call back --- man, I somehow opened the wrong door. Got a full-on lecture about how depressed I am, that I never do anything about it, etc. etc. Note I hadn't said anything about depression! Yeah, these things exhaust me. No, they weren't so much of a problem before Lupus. Didn't they (therapists seen in the '80's) teach you any coping skills? You weren't like this before the fog! (The fog refers to 4-5 years when my cognitive dysfunction was CNS involvement including massive drop in measurable IQ - not your ordinary Lupus or Fibro fog.)

Don't know where this came from. Yes,mid-Nov to early-Jan is the bad time of year for me. Always has been, since my mothers death 27 years ago. I haven't mentioned it, and felt like I've been maintaining just fine. Really pissed me off. What am I supposed to be doing? Dancing with bells on because the house flooded??

And of course to top it off tomorrow is my birthday. BF & I generally spend the day together. At the moment I don't even want to talk to her. And sadly, nobody else around to vent to but you guys.

In the summer they had me on 450 mg Wellbutrin -- a high, high dose. It wasn't really helping, so I stopped -- and felt better! Hard to consider talk therapy -- last time I saw one of those the therapist ended up testifying against me in a nasty divorce case. (She lied.)

ARRGGGGGGG!

So, if you read all that -- no need for a big reply, I just needed to vent. Thanks for reading!

Kimstph
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2014
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 12/3/2014 8:08 PM (GMT -6)   
My heart goes out to you.

Hugs and warm wishes going your way.

Kim

FW
Regular Member


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 482
   Posted 12/3/2014 10:01 PM (GMT -6)   
Thinking of you.

Vent all you want. You have definite cause. Is it possible your friend is having some life problems you are unaware of? Just a thought.
Take care, Fran

Dx: Lupus, sjogren's, celiac, severe allergies, asthma, GERD
Daily Meds: Plaquenil, Zyrtec, Nasacort, Prozac, Ambien CR, CellCept, Zantac, Bactrim, Q-Var, Restasis, Albuterol
Daily Supplements: Calcium, B-100 Complex, Vitamin D, Daily Vitamins.
As Needed Meds: Epinephrine, Benadryl, Proventil, Tylenal, Vicodin, Prednisone.

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 12/3/2014 10:34 PM (GMT -6)   
(((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))
Joy
Lupus, RA, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Asthma, Hypothyriodism, Sleep Apnea, Depression, Allergies, and benign familia tremors

When life throws you lemons....
Pick them up and throw them right back at them! :))

Barbara Lee
Veteran Member


Date Joined Sep 2003
Total Posts : 2889
   Posted 12/3/2014 11:15 PM (GMT -6)   
((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Lynn I'm sorry that your friend had a rough day and took it out on you. It certainly doesn't sound like you did a single thing to warrent her reaction.

You know that you can come and VENT all you want here, you're always here for us and we want to be there for you. As for you Birthday today, let me wish you a Very Happy Birthday to you and I wish you day full of fun and cheer. Hang in there Lynn, we all love you here. Know I'm just a phone call away should you need to talk with someone.

Hugs,
Barbara
DX- RA, Lupus, Fibro, LGL Leukemia, Obstructive & Central Sleep Apnea, Pulmonary Hypertension, Bells Palsy, Gastroparsis, Blood Clots, Glaucoma, Chronic Pericarditis & Pleurisy, Severe Anemia. Way to many medications to list.

jujub
Forum Moderator


Date Joined Mar 2003
Total Posts : 10407
   Posted 12/4/2014 12:02 AM (GMT -6)   
Lynn, I can really understand what you're saying. Trying to explain to my husband that it's hard to remember things when I'm trying to be super-careful in how I move so I don't injure something or fall on my rocker-bottom feet caused by peripheral neuropathy, and when I'm also busy keeping myself distracted from pain. People who haven't been there just can't imagine.

Your friend means well, I'm sure, but it's not helpful to bring things like this up when someone is especially vulnerable. Sometimes people just need to mind their own business, right?

Treat yourself to something you find really pleasant for your birthday if you can. You deserve it after what you've been through this week!
Thyroid forum moderator

Ulcerative colitis; 8th year of remission with Remicade. Inflammatory osteoarthritis; osteonecrosis from steroids. Grave's disease post-RAI and now on Levothyroxine. Type II diabetes induced by steroids.

acquiesce
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 360
   Posted 12/4/2014 5:47 AM (GMT -6)   
Happy Birthday Lynnwood!!

I think your BF just projected her bad mood onto you, perhaps she is feeling overwhelmed and down herself.

People have done that to me, said I'm depressed when I'm not. It really steams my beans! Then I feel like I have something to prove. Well I used to feel that way, now I hardly give a rat's patootie!

During my divorce my ex husband tried to convince everyone I was bi polar and unable to care for our children so he could gain custody. Thankfully he didn't get too far with it. What a nightmare that was.

Anyway, back to topic... everyone copes differently. I wouldn't expect that you would be thrilled about plumbing issues lol. Don't sweat it. She was likely just having a bad day and threw up her angst all over you, the unintended victim. People tend to do that with other people they feel safe with, family members, etc. You two are very close so it makes sense.

Have yourself a wonderful day, sending you a big hug and happy birthday wishes!!

Kimstph
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2014
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 12/4/2014 5:50 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope you had a nice birthday!
Kim
Breast Cancer Survivor, Lupus, Seizure Disorder

UserANONYMOUS
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2011
Total Posts : 4481
   Posted 12/8/2014 6:38 AM (GMT -6)   
Lynn, hope you had a good birthday and treated yourself to something nice.

I hope your friend is now calm and things between the both of you are okay.

It doesn't matter how much time has passed, death of loved ones always brings back memories. Hang in there. Hope you'll feel better.

*Hugs*

UA
Moderator - Bipolar

Depression, Borderline Personality Disorder.
Chronic Pain - Cervical Kyphosis, Cervical Spondylosis, Thoracic Scoliosis.

Chartreux
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2006
Total Posts : 9664
   Posted 12/8/2014 10:35 AM (GMT -6)   
Happy Birthday!
Vent away any time and I do agree repaire people rarely call back.
Many soft hugs...
**********************************************
* So many dx's I could write a book* "It would be nice if we could use the edit button in real life"...
********>^..^<********>^..^<*******

Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7720
   Posted 12/8/2014 12:49 PM (GMT -6)   
Well, my friend was back to normal the next day. Don't know what the deal was --

I'm just taking it as a reminder that I really need to project more positive energy out into the world instead of accidentally becoming an energy sink. Hard enough to do as an introvert, harder still as a depressed introvert.

However, got a HUGE energy boost from a Prednisone dose pack I've been taking for an awful neuropathy/pain issue with my feet. When that energy burst comes it's a high like no other. (Well, maybe like something else, but I've never done illegals.)

Gotta' find a natural energy boost, woo-hoo!
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & LUPUS RESOURCES
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

acquiesce
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 360
   Posted 12/8/2014 6:36 PM (GMT -6)   
Woo hoo! I'm glad things worked out for you Lynnwood. So is that what they think the burning feet is? Neuropathy? I wonder why I haven't been offered a prednisone pack for my neuropathy. I might have to ask about that!

Enjoy your boost! Woot Woot!

Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7720
   Posted 12/8/2014 7:52 PM (GMT -6)   
My foot (actually, feet!) issue is technically called neuropathy but is definitely caused by Lupus inflammation, thus the pred pack to control inflammation.

If your neuropathy is caused by some other underlying disease, like diabetes or something, no inflammation is active & thus a pred pack wouldn't make any sense.

At least that's what they told me.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & LUPUS RESOURCES
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Kimstph
Regular Member


Date Joined Sep 2014
Total Posts : 55
   Posted 12/8/2014 8:19 PM (GMT -6)   
Lynnwood, you project a HUGE positive influence on this site. You are always quick to uplift others even though you are also suffering.

Other people can't understand like we do - vent away whenever you need!
Kim
Breast Cancer Survivor, Lupus, Seizure Disorder

Lynnwood
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7720
   Posted 12/8/2014 8:23 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you, Kim. Sometimes I just feel like I'm shouting into the wind, so glad to hear y'all feel me being positive on your behalf!

Hugs to all! Kiss, kiss!

couchtater
Elite Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 12/8/2014 9:06 PM (GMT -6)   
I hope your birthday was good. Your friend was probably feeling rotten that day herself.
Joy
Lupus, RA, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Asthma, Hypothyriodism, Sleep Apnea, Depression, Allergies, and benign familia tremors

When life throws you lemons....
Pick them up and throw them right back at them! :))

acquiesce
Regular Member


Date Joined Jan 2014
Total Posts : 360
   Posted 12/9/2014 5:32 AM (GMT -6)   
That's interesting. So far as I know it is caused by inflammation. I'm going to look into that...

See, your venting just actually helped me :)
Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind - Dr. Seuss
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