losing my wife

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New Member

Date Joined Jun 2015
Total Posts : 1
   Posted 6/1/2015 6:56 AM (GMT -6)   
My wife has lupus & for the last couple of years she has shown less interest in our married & has said she doesn't want it anymore we've been together 18yrs I tried to show her how much I love her but nothing seems to matter. Could this be from the meds,or has anyone else felt this way about their husband /boyfriend?

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7674
   Posted 6/1/2015 7:31 AM (GMT -6)   
When you are ill it is sometimes very difficult to be interested in anything, including your own life. She may be depressed, both from the illness and from her medications. Is she getting any kind of therapy or mental treatment in dealing with her disease? Are you getting any?
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Forum Moderator

Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1650
   Posted 6/3/2015 5:28 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi husband18. First let me say that I've had lupus for over 10 years and also have had major depressive disorder and anxiety for the entire time. I feel very at home in my psychiatrist's office. Many folks find it difficult to seek mental health. I did too at first, but once I did it made a profound change in my life.

That being said I have had the exact problem you describe. Even with excellent mental health care I often feel that I'm a burden to my husband. He helps me with a variety of tasks when I'm ill, I have absolutely no libido, I often prefer to be alone, we usually can't go out much and practically never on vacation because I can't "plan" to feel well.

I feel that my husband could easily find someone who can do all the things I can't. He always convinces me that I am the woman he loves and he probably would never find someone he loves as much as he loves me. Also, from my perspective I've had years when I've been extremely ill, but I've also had times when I could and did participate in activities we share. I do my best to cuddle, love, appreciate, and enjoy him and this makes me feel less of a burden. I certain hope you both can make your marriage work. Butterflake
SLE '05, Sjogrens, fibro, Raynaud's, major depressive disorder, CNS problems, GERD, angina, 1st stage kidney disease. Many meds: better living through chemistry

Purple Queen
New Member

Date Joined Jun 2015
Total Posts : 4
   Posted 6/20/2015 8:53 PM (GMT -6)   
I don't know about you guys situation but I know its becoming harder for me sense no one understands; especially my husband. Everyone including my husband act as if I have nothing wrong with me. I have to continue to try to do everything that I did before I became sick and then some. People cannot see our illness so its hard for them to believe that we are really tired or just... Please try to lighten her load in what she has to do for others and around the house. It can become a time when you would rather live alone than to deal with everyone's issues because you feel like you are running out of energy and about to fall to a death if you don't get some of the weight off you! Try not to be that weight and stand up for her when others are doing it. I will keep you guys in my prayers! I can totally relate. I am there also.
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