Frustrated feeling down and out

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Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/11/2015 1:48 PM (GMT -6)   
I am feeling pretty much like a failure these days. No diagnosis but not feeling human. Good days bad days, feeling up then crashing down. It is hard to know what to expect one day to the next. I look around my house and it is a complete disaster. The days I feel good my energy goes into something of quality spending time with friends and family or my dogs. I sometimes clean but it is a mess the next day. Family says don't worry it will be there its not going anywhere you need to rest, but as a source of frustration for me you'd think they would at the very least do their part to clean their mess. But that is not the case. I go to work in a long term care facility for children. I have to be up and motivational for them and help to keep the moral up for staff. I come home to a sink full of dishes that need to be washed before I can start dinner. By the time 8:00 rolls around I am done in bed and asleep by 9:00. Then the jokes fly about mom/wife in bed sooooo early. I do my best to be everything to everyone that needs me but there are those days that I am no good for nothing. I sometimes feel as though I am lazy but I simply cannot move. I don't have people over anymore because I am so ashamed at how my house looks. I just want to be normal again. Time keeps moving forward and I cannot keep up!

Just venting

Elite Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 14475
   Posted 10/11/2015 3:32 PM (GMT -6)   
If I was you I would sit down with the family and have a serious talk about splitting up the chores in the house. Even a child as young as four can do something.
Give out assignment for the house main areas: Livingroom, kitchen, bathrooms, etc. Places that visitors will see.

Then make each person responsible for keeping their rooms clean and getting their dirty clothes to the laundry room. If you have a teenager they can do their own laundry and wash dishes every other night.

Stand firm on the rules. If they don't help you come up with a punishment. It will be hard at first, but it will help you and them in the long run.
Lupus, RA, Fibromyalgia, Glaucoma, Asthma, Hypothyriodism, Sleep Apnea, Depression, Allergies, diabetes, and benign familia tremors

When life throws you lemons....
Pick them up and throw them right back at them! :))

New Member

Date Joined Oct 2015
Total Posts : 6
   Posted 10/15/2015 11:44 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi Laura...
I'm new here and don't know anyone's back story but I feel so bad for what you're going through!
I can identify with bone crushing, paralyzing fatigue...but can't imagine working and trying to care for a family at the same time!

You said you don't have a diagnosis yet, right? I'm wondering if that could be partly why are pushing yourself so much. If you DID have a diagnosis (not that you want it) would it be easier for
you to delegate some of the chores? Or lower your standards?

The fatigue, uncertainty & self doubt so many of us go through is devasting. After months and months of that it is validating to actually get a diagnosis...not that it's welcomed in ANY way.

I agree with Joy about giving your family the honor of doing more stuff around the house to help you because you're feeling badly...diagnosis or not.

Hope this helps

Regular Member

Date Joined Jan 2015
Total Posts : 49
   Posted 10/17/2015 9:14 PM (GMT -6)   
Thank you both for your replies. Yes Amethyst4 I agree about pushing myself not having a diagnosis. I don't fall directly into one AI and so the Dr continues to work on eliminating diagnosis. AT least he tells me that what I am experiencing is real. and that I can't fake the blood test (elevated sed rate and CRP) He does say there is something happening but does exactly know what. He is treating the symptoms with meds and that helps a little. I guess it is hard for me to ask for help because they are so busy also between college and working they have enough of their own stress to deal with.

Hope you are both feeling well!


Veteran Member

Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7723
   Posted 10/18/2015 12:54 PM (GMT -6)   
There is a huge difference between being lazy and being ill. When we cannot do things because of the enormous fatigue Lupus and/or similar auto-immune diseases impose upon us, there is NO REASON to feel like a failure.

To overuse an analogy, if you had diabetes, would you feel like a failure because you could not control your blood sugar by shear force of will?

All we can do is the best we can do. If you could do more/do better, you would! It's just stuff, and chores that can be done anytime. Your family may also be busy, but they have ENERGY, which seems to be the first thing these diseases steal from us. You can exhaust yourself, and your illness, whatever it may turn out to be, won't allow you to replenish. They are young, and healthy, and will have more energy tomorrow!

Hang in there.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Veteran Member

Date Joined Aug 2014
Total Posts : 1526
   Posted 10/18/2015 2:25 PM (GMT -6)   
Don't worry Laura as taking care of yourself comes first.

Take it slow .Dont get overwhelmed by housework .

Do one thing slowly at a time ,the way your body can handle.

In no time you will be done.

I can relate to you as I beat myself up for housework so many days of week.
But now learnt it's not helping me ...
Hang in there friend..
Hugs ,Take care
Depression ,Anxiety and Panic disorder,Diabetes,Lupus,Fibromyalgia,Hashimoto thyroid and more.....
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