I am just so tired. So much is going on and i am truly lost, depressed, and just ready to give up. I was diagnosed on 12/17/15. I thought nothing of it. I had already enrolled in college full time after being laid off last year. SMH... since 12/17, Ive lost all friends, i am failing school that started 1/11/16. My teachers are not helpful. I am so behind because i have already missed two weeks. The doctors do not know why my body is so weak, to the point were i cannot walk, cannot to wash my face. Cant take a shower, cant cook.
People tell me or just stick out school, you can do it. But, honestly I cannot. I want to just quit this college thing and try and get my mind and body on the same page.
I feel trapped because i cannot even drive my car. Im unemployed, and just really really in a bad place. I want to cry, but i cant because the guilt, embarrassment, and just utter dumb feeling i have is overwhelming. I totally hate myself, everyday and i just dont know how to turn it off. I dont want to let anyone down, but this disease is killing me literally.
There is so many things that go thru my mind that i had to start taking tylenol pm's just to get an hour or two of sleep. Im no spring chicken, im 37, and have been hospitalized twice since 12/17/15 for lupus. I just dont know what to do. I am truly at my wits end. I thought about calling a suicide hotline, but smh, would they even begin to understand?
If anyone out there can help me, i would appreciate it more that you could ever know. I tried talking to my family, but they are like, you can do it, your grown...LOL...smh, what does that even mean to someone who doesnt know day to day if they can walk or even talk