I am ready to give up

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starkiss
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2016
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/8/2016 12:11 AM (GMT -6)   
I am just so tired. So much is going on and i am truly lost, depressed, and just ready to give up. I was diagnosed on 12/17/15. I thought nothing of it. I had already enrolled in college full time after being laid off last year. SMH... since 12/17, Ive lost all friends, i am failing school that started 1/11/16. My teachers are not helpful. I am so behind because i have already missed two weeks. The doctors do not know why my body is so weak, to the point were i cannot walk, cannot to wash my face. Cant take a shower, cant cook.
People tell me or just stick out school, you can do it. But, honestly I cannot. I want to just quit this college thing and try and get my mind and body on the same page.
I feel trapped because i cannot even drive my car. Im unemployed, and just really really in a bad place. I want to cry, but i cant because the guilt, embarrassment, and just utter dumb feeling i have is overwhelming. I totally hate myself, everyday and i just dont know how to turn it off. I dont want to let anyone down, but this disease is killing me literally.
There is so many things that go thru my mind that i had to start taking tylenol pm's just to get an hour or two of sleep. Im no spring chicken, im 37, and have been hospitalized twice since 12/17/15 for lupus. I just dont know what to do. I am truly at my wits end. I thought about calling a suicide hotline, but smh, would they even begin to understand?

If anyone out there can help me, i would appreciate it more that you could ever know. I tried talking to my family, but they are like, you can do it, your grown...LOL...smh, what does that even mean to someone who doesnt know day to day if they can walk or even talk

bluelyme
Veteran Member


Date Joined Nov 2015
Total Posts : 4988
   Posted 2/8/2016 1:21 AM (GMT -6)   
I feel you ...i am in same boat. Same age..for differnt reasons..my cousin passed from lupus and now i realize that there maybe an infectious cause to the autoimmune cascade that you are having...i took a shower and was like whoohoo took three hours...the immune system should be modulated not suppressed...check into mycoplasm giardia and cpnhelp.org. ..there is ldn and marshel protocols. ..please find hope some where anywhere i am doing bvt which may help...one friend did lots of tumeric and found relief...you can even get iv curcumin. ..try try and try some more....hugs

Lynnwood
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7723
   Posted 2/8/2016 8:52 AM (GMT -6)   
Starkiss,

Do you have a rheumatologist, are you being treated? Talk to them; they should be able to point you to local support groups for others with Lupus.

More later, short on time now.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & HW's LUPUS 101
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Butterflake
Veteran Member


Date Joined Jun 2006
Total Posts : 1650
   Posted 2/8/2016 1:24 PM (GMT -6)   
Starkiss excuse my ignorance. What's SMH? More importantly, if you have Lupus, you need to be treated by a rheumatologist. This can be a very rough disease and they are the experts. I too have been though many weeks at a time when I could barely walk and had to crawl on my hands and knees up my stairs. I have a shower chair that I use during these times. My rheumatologist changes my meds during these times, but they take time to work.

You must see a rheumatologist and psychiatrist. I've been seeing a shrink for 12 years and he has saved my life on more than one occasion when I have felt like you do now. I remember crying throughout my first call to his office and I was so embarrassed walking in the door! For years I saw one of his psychiatric nurse practitioners, but with all my other meds now I see the psychiatrist. They can give you meds for your depression, anxiety, and insomnia. Please make an appointment today.

Lastly, I got my BS when I was 36 years old. What is wrong with getting medication, waiting for your body to heal and waiting another semester or two...or three? It doesn't matter how old you are when you graduate. Of course your failing because you feel like dog crap. Take care of your body and mind Starkiss and know that we (I) am behind you 100%. Love, Butterflake
SLE '05, Sjogrens, fibro, Raynaud's, major depressive disorder, CNS problems, GERD, angina, 1st stage kidney disease. Many meds: better living through chemistry

Lynnwood
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7723
   Posted 2/8/2016 1:51 PM (GMT -6)   
SMH (according to the slang dictionary, I had to look it up at www.internetslang.com) means "shaking my head".

Butterflake is right, you should be getting medication -- Lupus can be managed, things can get better -- but you need to be under a Dr's care for this to happen.

It isn't a disease where you can just "decide" to be better -- is your family nuts??!
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & HW's LUPUS 101
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

starkiss
New Member


Date Joined Feb 2016
Total Posts : 3
   Posted 2/8/2016 2:07 PM (GMT -6)   
Hi everyone,

Thanks so much for replying to my message. I am currently taking Plaquenil, and steroids. I am being seen by a rheumy, but the meds are not working. I am just mentally tired I guess. I am just so unsure of what to do.

Lynnwood
Veteran Member


Date Joined May 2005
Total Posts : 7723
   Posted 2/8/2016 4:06 PM (GMT -6)   
The next meds to try are

Imuran, Cellcept, and MTX.

Often one of these will help, but there is no way of knowing WHICH one will help, so Drs go down the list trying one at a time until symptoms abate. Each Dr will have their preferred medication of these 3, so no telling what your Dr may prescribe.

Sounds to me like the next thing to do is schedule a Dr appt and let them know they need to do more for you! If they have nothing else to offer, perhaps a new rheumy is a good idea.
Lynnwood, Lupus & Sjogren's Moderator, Dx: 2002
DIAGNOSING LUPUS & HW's LUPUS 101
"Life is far too important to be taken seriously." - Oscar Wilde

Tinkerbee
Regular Member


Date Joined Feb 2013
Total Posts : 59
   Posted 2/8/2016 5:27 PM (GMT -6)   
Plaquenil takes months to build in the system before you feel any improvement. Give it some time. I didn't see any change until about month four.

Ashaline
Regular Member


Date Joined Oct 2014
Total Posts : 82
   Posted 2/9/2016 8:32 AM (GMT -6)   
I am so sorry you are so unwell. But YES, plaquenil takes months to start feeling the effects. Wait 6 months and I think you will feel a big difference. It has helped me so much. Also, if it were me, I think I would wait on school. Give yourself a year or so to get feeling better and then you can figure out how to manage. It took me a couple of years to do that.

tashalynn97
Regular Member


Date Joined Apr 2014
Total Posts : 27
   Posted 5/17/2016 10:06 AM (GMT -6)   
Yes plaquenil took 3 months to build up. I saw a difference after that. It has really helped. I still have break through symptoms from time to time but not as bad as they where before it. Give it a try and hang in there. Sending 🙏💗
Natalie

Lupus,fibromyalgia,osteoarthritis,IBD, Gerd,asthma, epilepsy and past history of ovarian cancer
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