Thank you for all your replies. Don't know what I would do without you all here. You let me vent and complain and you genuinely care and listen. It is a wonderful comfort.
I'm just finally getting back to the boards today. I've been working full time plus the past week and still trying to deal with the pain and keep my every day life going and it is a real struggle. Some days I don't know if I am gonna make it thru work (8 hour days of sitting in my chair and doing medical transcription). At least I am now working from home doing this so it is one less stress of not having to look great and get out and go to work and deal with the outside world and all my coworkers saying "but you look fine". It is still stressful working from home but not so much as going to the hospital every day and working from there. I almost went to the ER last week when I posted this original message as I was already at work at the hospital and figured it would be easiest to just make a trip up the elevator and get some pain relief in the ER. I chickened out as I didn't believe anyone would think the pain was real and they would just send me on my way. I'm sick and tired of doctors saying they don't know what is causing my pain and they can't help me out with painkillers cause they can't figure out what "kind" of pain they are treating. And my sick thinking the past few days is to call my primary doctor and tell her I hurt myself somewhere and can I get a pain killer for whatever pain I can think of to make up so I think she will believe me. How bad is that? Calling the doc and faking an injury of some muscle to get a painkiller. I am in the process with my insurance company to find another rheumy. I need to go thru the ins. co. cause I can't afford to go off on my own and see a specialist. I want ins. to pay for it. They are supposed to get back with me sometime the beginning of next week.
My pain to me seems like the worst anyone can have and I feel guilty venting here about it after what I see some of what you all are experiencing. Hugs to all of you and hope everyone will soon be feeling better. We all need a serious "break" from this stuff going on.
Anyone here ever question God about why me and why not so and so or other? I am questioning a lot these days.
Thanks for all your support and listening and letting me vent.