I'm so sorry to hear about your husband. I can't begin to understand that pain. On the loneliness side I went through something similar, kids leaving home not staying in touch, even through surgeries, boyfriend that is "on probation" with me most of the time and I threw him out for months recently. I got very very depressed and very lonely. didn't dress, didn't leave the house. I have skin pigment problems to add to being overweight and surgery scars and dry, dry hair. I felt so bad about myself. Then, one day I decided to do the online thing, just for chats if nothing else and took some pictures of myself with my webcam and I didn't look near as bad as I felt, once the old makeup was on and all. Of course, I staged and lighted it all good and dressed to hide my buddha belly. But anyway, I did the online thing and found there were plenty of men even in my little area, it cost me about 30.00 through yahoo and not all were duds. In one month, I cancelled, I had so many responses and I found illness wasn't a big deal with them. You really have to sort through, many just want one thing, but some are very nice and just want to date. Strangely enough, I met a pretty nice guy, but on a date I realized my boyfriend really did love me and treats me ok most of the time and I loved him, so I ended up taking the poor guy back and he was happy to be back. Its funny, but sometimes even if you are with someone it can get lonely, numb-like and you wonder if you really even care about the other person, you've been together so long. Don't mean to ramble, but thought I'd let you know about the online thing. I bet you'd see half your small town on there. A bunch of our firefighters and stuff were on there. I got sick of it pretty fast and was happy to be alone, I had three guys that were contenders and they didn't care a hoot about me being sick. They were just lonely, like me. So, don't worry, they are out there if you want them, and if you get sick of being alone, check it out. It will definitely make you appreciate your solitude. I would just like to have a female neighbor friend to drink coffee with and play cards or chat or watch soaps or something. A good female roomate/friend would be my first choice if I end up alone again. Men are too much work.
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments