Posted 9/15/2007 3:02 PM (GMT -7)
You all know how I have been batteling Lupus and C. Diff, plus the horrible migraines and I have had a really rough couple of months.
I have been going through some new treatments for the c. diff that seem to be working. I started feeling better, and then WAY overdid it on Thursday. I was up and about and gone helping my sister and to the thrift store and grocery store and wal mart etc.
On Friday I woke up feeling like a pale pile of goo, had a slight temp and ached horribly.
Today the aches are a bit better but I am weak as a kitten, can't hardly keep my head up. When I woke up my hubby asked how I was feeling. I said "better than yesterday" because ....well I was, I didnt hurt as bad and even a little let up from the heavy aches is a good thing.
I had to go to wal mart and get some more things for my c. diff treatments, and I really needed a shower. So I took one, mistake number one...I almost didnt make it through I was so weak and shaky and washing my hair while in a flare is a no no.
Soooo I still push it, because I want to be ALIVE and YOUNG and HAPPY and have a fun Saturday with my family.
It started going bad in Wal Mart parking lot when I asked my husband if he could park close to the building. He parked about half way there and I said "Theres no way I am going to make it that far" (not snotty, just statement)
And he gets ticked off and mumbles something about me saying I felt better today.
It broke my heart.
Why does the lack of understanding continually break my heart? You would think I would be used to it. My husband is ok most of the time, but he is not the nurturing sort.
I hate saying that I feel like crap all the time, so when I say I am doing better....people think I can climb mountains.
I am really probably not making any sense. On the one hand everyone gets sick of hearing that I feel like crud, and on the other if I say I feel good they expect WAY too much out of me. AND they have no understanding that just walking through the parking lot is WAY too much.
I CRAVE to be shown tenderness for what I am going through. Does that make any sense? Not that I want to be treated like a fragile egg, but darn it, sometimes I am a fragile egg and having my husband do little things for me that would make my life SO much easier and would be SO easy for him would mean the world.
Just helping me out of the truck that is so high off the ground, and holding the door open for me. Waiting for me and giving me an arm. Asking if he could get me something to eat or drink. Cleaning the flipping bathroom.
Please know that i love my husband deeply, but sometimes!!!
Ok.. rant over.
Love you all and thanks for listening.
Chronic Fatigue 1990 * Migraines 1990 * Restless Legs 1995 * Fibromyalgia 2001 * UCTD/probable Lupus 2007* Clostridium Difficile 3/07