Hi to everyone. I just experienced Wednesday night and Thursday what I have dreaded for a few years now. (Marji, if you're reading this, you'll see exactly how I knew just how you felt when your little dog passed away not long ago.) This really doesn't have anything to do with lupus, but I thought I'd share so you'd understand if I'm a little inactive for awhile. Wednesday night was a complete nightmare for me. Prissy (A sheltie that looks like a small Lassie, my dog who was about
to turn 12 years old that I've had ever since the car wreck that disabled me) started sneezing in the bedroom and came all the way through the apartment sneezing hard <snip>, I'm sure she was trying to get to me. I got her down in the kitchen floor but she continued sneezing blood on me and all over the kitchen. It just broke my heart! <snip> I didn't know what to do. All of the vets offices were closed and I knew that they really were out of ideas without an endoscope anyway (which they didn't have a small enough one in there office). I had already spent $350 trying to get her nose taken care of back in June. She had already had a Grade 2 Sacrcoma (cancer) removed a couple years ago; I'm now sure with those things that came out of her nose she also had some type of tumor in there as well. (The vet had already suspected that anyway.) It has continued bleeding lightly since back in June when they did all that work on her, just to a much lesser extent than this. Her nose finally clotted, but she was still having a hard time breathing. She would go through spells where she'd seem okay and then that trouble breathing would happen again. <snip>
I called the vet early Thursday and with very little sleep we ended up taking her over there and having her put to sleep. I know she had to be in so much pain. I have never seen that much blood except on TV in some murder crime scene. I just knew that even if I was able to keep her going just a little longer, that this was going to keep happening and at least 2 of the dozen lumps she had on her body were growing larger in size and would have to be removed as well (also probably cancerous). I just feel SO sad without her. She really meant the world to me. I have had her since just after my accident. She was a lot of company to me when I could not drive and had to stay home so much. I feel like a part of me died with her. I keep questioning my decision even though I know that it was the right thing to do. Just her daily care was becoming such a job, especially since the bleeding started back in June. She wouldn't come and get me to take her to potty; and when I would set alarms to take her, lots of times she'd just lay there and I'd actually have to bend over and physically help her stand to go outside. When I would put her food down in the mornings, I would have to do pretend "magic tricks" to get her to eat and when that stopped working I'd have to get in the floor and put the food in her mouth by hand to get her to even eat. I am just very sad right now. I am just trying to remember the good times and keep myself distracted as much as possible. It's really quiet here in my apartment, so I don't like staying in here for long intervals because my mind drifts to thinking of her absence. All of this is why I may not be very active here for awhile. I will try to keep up by reading your posts, but I've already seen some things I wanted to reply to and just couldn't gather my thoughts enough to do so right now.
On a lighter note, I had my appt. with my rheumy yesterday. It was another nice, relaxed appt. with him taking time and going into much detail in answering my questions. (I thank goodness that I took the time to finish up with
those and get my questions all written out last Sunday so I didn't have to worry with all that Thursday.) I explained to him what happened with Prissy and how important she was to me. He wants to give me a couple of weeks before we try to taper anymore. We will also wait to see if any other problems arise when I taper and do more blood work then.
I am hoping that you all are doing well. I will try to keep up to date with reading your posts and slowly try to begin replying again when I can gather my thoughts. You guys are the greatest, I am so glad I found this forum.
<snipped some bits out for extremely graphic content?
Post Edited By Moderator (Lynnwood) : 9/22/2007 7:12:36 PM (GMT-6)