I know what you mean, it seems so unfair to be robbed of your old self by illness. With every doctor appt and visit I think, this will be the one, they will fix my skin, fix my guts, stop my arthritis, but it just goes on , more and more pills. And you look back at how much time is wasted being sick. But sometimes life just is what it is and hopefully we are better people for our illnesses, beauty on the inside is more important that beauty on the outside, and shines through no matter how sick we get. *tears* I look at my bf, who's aged since we first met, and I can still see the old him in his face, though he's changed alot and I know he still sees the old me. When people love you they see with their hearts, and that's what matters.
I hope your fatigue gets better and you can get clear of that uck feeling. The trip to the livingroom is often the only one I take, but I'm trying to do better. My bf put a bird feeder outside the window so I can watch what's going on outside and I now have a fish tank too to look at. And my dogs force me to get up once in a while to go outside. I try to do some crosswords and stuff to exercise my brain even if my body isn't doing good or read. Sometimes I make jewelry with beads. I make alot of earrings, they are easy to make. I paint with some cheap watercolors, its very hard and I'm not very good, but when I can't focus to read or write I can still paint. Writing has helped me alot, given me back my youth in a way by writing about young characters having adventures, doing what I can no longer probably do, or what I could never do. Do you do things like this? It helps me, makes me feel like I have a purpose.
When I put on my makeup and do my nails, which I try to do regardless of whether I leave the house or just make it to the living room, the mirror is a reminder of what I am now, and sometimes, admittedly, I hate it and get down about it. I'm scarred up, pigment messed up so I'm two different colors, fat, bad skin, hunched over and just not what I expected to be at my age, but I can still pull it together and I know you can too. On the vitiligo forum, people there say that we are not defined by our skin color. It's not the physical things, but what we think and do that is who we are. I put on makeup because I always have, same with nails. My psychologist once told me she could tell if I was sick because of my nails and makeup and hair and clothes. I bring makeup to the hospital, if I go in. That's just me. Some people are the opposite and that's them. These routines we figure why bother are important, and we deserve to be able to do them or have someone help us, it is who we are in a way.
I hope you get through this rough time and don't give up on yourself. Sometimes we look in the mirror and all we see is our sickness, but that is not what everyone else sees, or has to see. Its a struggle, but you just keep going on, doing what you do, what you can do, like everyone has said above. Though I can't play my flute anymore, or ride horses, I can still write, and as long as I can do that, I'm free to relive my good times and imagine many more. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and hope that you find your way back from this soon.
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments