I really want to say thankyou to all of you who replied to the "i miss me" post.i found something in every reply that helped me move forward a little more. I would like to answer some of the questions that were asked...and comment on some of the responses.
I am 35 years old...although at times i feel like that is 135. I have had issues for the past 14 years. I have been told in the early stages that it was "just growing pains". Then it continued. Another dr told me it was "baby blues". How baby blues makes your hair fall out and cause a rash...is still a mystery to me. A few years later it was"you are depressed due to multiple deaths in you family". Yes I was depressed but that was the minor part of what was going on with me.
3 years ago I hurt my back at work. I worked in a nursing home as aCNA. The doc they sent me to said I hurt my back because I was over weight. Yes I am overweight...but that isnt why i hurt my back. The 2nd week i went to see her I was in what I beleive to be a flare. The rash was just starting on my face, my whole body hurt like never before,my skin was on fire,i had 2 boils, and i had a migraine for 4 days. I also told her i was having pain in my left lower side. She ordered a mri of my stomach.
When i went back to get the results she told me I had polycystic ovarian desease. I didnt know what it was. She said I needed to lose weight....again i know! I asked why did my whole body hurt so bad. She asked what it felt like and i said "like my bones are being pulled out". She said "that is because you are fat...you walk on your legs and they are having trouble hold you up.
I had it at this point. I was tired of being sick and getting the run around. i told her"then why do my arms and hands hurt so bad??....oh i know because i am constantly moving them while putting the fork to my lips>".
The next visit she said she talked to another dr and they seem to agree that it seems like i might have Lupus...considering my history. I asked her what that was and what i should do about it and she said she couldnt help me with that because i am there for workmans comp on my back injury.
I didn't and still dont have insurance. i am waiting to get on my hubby's insurance. I have since quit my job...it had gotten to hard physically. I started nursing school and then dropped out because i realized i am not who I use to be. I dont have the mental capability to do that job anymore. I couldn't remeber things....I think that is what I hate the most is the loss of precious memories.
As soon as I get on insurance then hopefully I will get some kind of releif from the pain I am in. As for now I will work on something that I can control and that is my emotional health.
In my original post I said something about feeling like I am in a battle and I am unprepared.....well I don't feel like that today. .....Today I am standing on the battlefield with armor on. I look to my right and to my left and I see other warriors----a band of sisters--preparing for battle with me. Some have knowledge that I don't...and they are willing to share. Some are stronger than me and they are reaching out for my hand to help me. Some are weaker then myself and I will lift them up as much as possible....but in the end when all else seems foggy and hopeless I know I have found a circle of friends to lean on and trudge forwards...come what may.
I thank the heavens for you all because before I came here and found this board and all of you...i was weak...alone...losing hope...and in a very dark place.
on a lighter note>>i am sorry my posts are so long>>I will work on it.