It's so hard for people to understand how daunting day to day chores and simple tasks can be. Lately, getting out of bed is a problem for me. I live in a very rural area and spend a lot of time alone. My family has never been there for me like they have for my sister and my mother even intimated that I was not wanted and I was abandoned as a teenager and left to raise myself. I have learned to forgive my parents and sister as I realize that the reason they don't like me is not because I'm "nuts" as they would say, but because I'm the only sane one. It took me a long time and a lot of counseling to figure that one out since I grew up feeling like I was a horrible child and horrible person and a total burden. I was very close to my grandparents, but they are dead. But we are grown now and our families are with our spouses/boyfriends and children if you have them, pets if you have them. I don't care to be my mom and dad's little girl anymore. It wasn't that much fun. I'm happy to be there on the outskirts on my terms.
I know all about estrangement. I went through that with my oldest son during my divorce and after for years. It still goes on to some degree but my son doesn't allow it. Anyway, one thing I did that saved my relationmship with my son was to write him some letters, telling him how I feel and reminding him of the way things really were. Later in life, he rediscovered the letters and realized to his horror what his father and grandmother had been trying to do for so long. Perhaps you can write to your sister and remind her of the fun things you used to do together and explain to her how much you miss your relationship with her. If she doesn't reply or is rude in return then you have done what you can and have nothing to feel guilty about. Letter writing is so good because it gives everyone a chance to think about what they say and to read it and not feel threatened or confronted. I think you need to find out what they think you did to cause them to give you the swerve and to express to them how you are willing to work things out. That means a lot. Sometimes people can't deal with sick people, just can't handle that you are sick, it hurts them, scares them, maybe they are afraid to get close because they are afraid they would be hurt and lose you, or have to do a bunch of favors or deal with a bunch of complaining. They don't understand where you are at with your illness and they can only imagine how they would handle it and expect you to act the same way. If you can reassure them by being focused on them and what is happening with them, it helps. I can't talk to my sister about being sick, she just sees it as dumping. I can get no love or sympathy from her, so I don't bother. She just doesn't understand and doesn't want to. So I talk to her when I feel like it about what I feel like talking about, usually just to find out how she is doing. People here really care and this is a great place to get support and to figure out what to do. Oh, also, I give up on my family from time to time and don't talk to them when they get obnoxious, so I try to take control of the situation and realize it is my choice. Its sad that my family cannot accept my love or return it, but that is their choice. There are plenty of other people in my life that I'm close to. I hope you don't let this get you down, any of it. You can only do what you can do. You should not feel guilty about your insurance, really the insurance company should feel guilty. I know the hurt of not being able to have children, I had a hysterectomy when I was in my early thirties, though I had two kids, one I never saw, and one living with me. Anyway, when my sons got older and pulled away, it was very lonely and I wished I could maybe have another child, but am glad in the long run I couldn't. I was really hurt for a while. I hope you can rest and relax and forget some of this for a while and check out your blessings, it sounds like you have many and that you are a good person. Its not good to pile all the bad up. I say, pile all the good up! I'm sure you will work things out with your sister if you want to, you may decide you don't want to, who knows? and I'm sure you can get through this tough time, you are a very strong person who is very aware of what's up and very articulate and pretty fearless, I think. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and let me know what you decide to do and what happens and remember there are people here who understand and are here for you.
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments