Posted 10/3/2007 12:00 AM (GMT -6)

How far from your suburb did you move? Did you have friends there who knew you were sick? Would it be possible to remain in touch with them? Would you be interested in looking for a church to attend? Do you have a special interest that might have a group or club to become involved with on a volunteer basis? Would you want to volunteer at the schools in the area (they are always looking for volunteers!)

I'm really sorry for the loss of your sister and her family. I have had the same situation with a sister and brother and not a clue as to why. I do have another sister, however, thank goodness. And my parents are living, although they are older and my mom is in very poor health.

You are not having a pity party. There is also absolutely no reason at all to be embarassed or ashamed. For what???? If you are, then everyone here is too :-) In reality, -for all of us here,it is hard to cope at times. I hopw you have faith in your rheumy. It sounds like he is trying to help you so that is good. Let us know how things are going.

xoxo emmie

SLE, limited scleroderma, Sjogrens, Hashimoto's Thyroiditis, seizure disorder, Raynauds, Hashimoto's (or Autoimmune) Enchephalopathy

Posted 10/3/2007 12:30 AM (GMT -6)
Hi Gidget, sorry I havn't been around much lately. I read everything you wrote and I have to tell you sick or not sick we deal with family problems. So talking them out is always a good thing. I don't know if you are aware of it but lupus does cause depression. Most of us are on some form of anti -d. I see you take prosax. Maybe you might try something else? Just a thought. I am just recovering from pnemonia which with my lungs is a really bad thing. I told my brother about it because I knew he would wonder why I wasn't at church. Here's the kicker they are the only family I have out here and he and his wife are in the ministry. If anyone else gets sick they are right there holding their hand and calling everyone on the prayer chain but for me I havn't even gotten a phone call all week to see how I'm feeling. I swear the people in this group care more about me than any one in the world. so you just keep talking about what you are feeling. It may just help you get passed this flare a little faster. Oh and I did like the idea of a pet. My dog taco is my life line sometimes. fleas and all!
your in my thoughts and prayers
God Bless
Lupus, possible Crest, COPD, Cervical Cancer survivor. Osteoporosis
Prednisone 5mg, Plaquanil 800mg,Evista60mg, Effexor 150mg, HCTZ25/Triamterene37.5mg,Xanax x3
Only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you: 1. Jesus Christ 2. The American G. I

Posted 10/3/2007 6:18 PM (GMT -6)
hippimom, emmi and okie,

I live 600 long miles from where I use to. I'm still in contact with all of my friends back "home" which is nice; and I've even been able to go back and visit. I'm in a really really rural area too. The closest Target is 40 miles away. Thank goodness we have a Walmart.

My church family is wonderful. My husband and his family are pentecostal and they have wrapped their arms around me and accept me as one of them even though I don't conform (no jewelry, no makeup, long dresses only). They're still hoping that one of these days I'll get up to the alter and "get the Holy Ghost". They're a wonderful group of people and when they gather together and pray God does listen!

Actually I have 5 wonderful dogs. Two who live outside (large dogs) and three who share our home with my husband and I. They love to have "mama time" in the morning after my husband has gone to work and it's just us in that king size bed. We all curl up together and I tickle their bellies and they give me sugar kisses. My dogs are also my life line, they are the reason I get up in the morning. I wouldn't think of letting them eat day old food or stale water from yesterday. They're also my computer buddies when I sit on the computer or watch tv. My one Yorkie things that they only way for me to lay on the couch is for her to lay on me. If anyone comes close to me she growls to let them know she's on alert and doesn't like them getting too close.

I have a friend who owns a pet grooming salon and there are times when I am low that I'll just show up at her shop and will pick up the vaccum and clean up the stray hair on the floor or answer the phones. There are a few pets who come in for their weekly grooming that get all excited when they see me. Nothing like some puppy kisses when you're low.

Thank you all for the ear. I hope that I will be able to return the favor and be there when you need someone too.

Post Edited By Moderator (Lynnwood) : 10/3/2007 9:36:22 PM (GMT-6)

Posted 10/3/2007 9:38 PM (GMT -6)
Hi gidget--
It's so hard for people to understand how daunting day to day chores and simple tasks can be. Lately, getting out of bed is a problem for me. I live in a very rural area and spend a lot of time alone. My family has never been there for me like they have for my sister and my mother even intimated that I was not wanted and I was abandoned as a teenager and left to raise myself. I have learned to forgive my parents and sister as I realize that the reason they don't like me is not because I'm "nuts" as they would say, but because I'm the only sane one. It took me a long time and a lot of counseling to figure that one out since I grew up feeling like I was a horrible child and horrible person and a total burden. I was very close to my grandparents, but they are dead. But we are grown now and our families are with our spouses/boyfriends and children if you have them, pets if you have them. I don't care to be my mom and dad's little girl anymore. It wasn't that much fun. I'm happy to be there on the outskirts on my terms.

I know all about estrangement. I went through that with my oldest son during my divorce and after for years. It still goes on to some degree but my son doesn't allow it. Anyway, one thing I did that saved my relationmship with my son was to write him some letters, telling him how I feel and reminding him of the way things really were. Later in life, he rediscovered the letters and realized to his horror what his father and grandmother had been trying to do for so long. Perhaps you can write to your sister and remind her of the fun things you used to do together and explain to her how much you miss your relationship with her. If she doesn't reply or is rude in return then you have done what you can and have nothing to feel guilty about. Letter writing is so good because it gives everyone a chance to think about what they say and to read it and not feel threatened or confronted. I think you need to find out what they think you did to cause them to give you the swerve and to express to them how you are willing to work things out. That means a lot. Sometimes people can't deal with sick people, just can't handle that you are sick, it hurts them, scares them, maybe they are afraid to get close because they are afraid they would be hurt and lose you, or have to do a bunch of favors or deal with a bunch of complaining. They don't understand where you are at with your illness and they can only imagine how they would handle it and expect you to act the same way. If you can reassure them by being focused on them and what is happening with them, it helps. I can't talk to my sister about being sick, she just sees it as dumping. I can get no love or sympathy from her, so I don't bother. She just doesn't understand and doesn't want to. So I talk to her when I feel like it about what I feel like talking about, usually just to find out how she is doing. People here really care and this is a great place to get support and to figure out what to do. Oh, also, I give up on my family from time to time and don't talk to them when they get obnoxious, so I try to take control of the situation and realize it is my choice. Its sad that my family cannot accept my love or return it, but that is their choice. There are plenty of other people in my life that I'm close to. I hope you don't let this get you down, any of it. You can only do what you can do. You should not feel guilty about your insurance, really the insurance company should feel guilty. I know the hurt of not being able to have children, I had a hysterectomy when I was in my early thirties, though I had two kids, one I never saw, and one living with me. Anyway, when my sons got older and pulled away, it was very lonely and I wished I could maybe have another child, but am glad in the long run I couldn't. I was really hurt for a while. I hope you can rest and relax and forget some of this for a while and check out your blessings, it sounds like you have many and that you are a good person. Its not good to pile all the bad up. I say, pile all the good up! I'm sure you will work things out with your sister if you want to, you may decide you don't want to, who knows? and I'm sure you can get through this tough time, you are a very strong person who is very aware of what's up and very articulate and pretty fearless, I think. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers and let me know what you decide to do and what happens and remember there are people here who understand and are here for you.
Love, Marji
--Doctors are men who prescribe medicines of which they know little, to cure diseases of which they know less in human beings of whom they know nothing.--Voltaire (1694-1778)
Ills--Sjogrens-Lupus-like AI Disease, Hashis, Vitiligo, spinal stenosis/fusion with plate, salivary/lymphectomies, Diabetes, NAFLD, COPD, RLS, neuropathy, trigonitis, hystero, diffuse brain atrophy
Meds--Plaquenil, Evoxac, Metformin, Synthroid, HCTZ, Estradiol patch, Prosed, Klonopin, Soma, Ultram, Vicodin, Restasis, Albuterol,steroid injections, Protopic & Triamcinolone Acetonide ointments

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