I feel like people think I'm crazy
I feel that after a year of treatment and not a good day in 3 months, I'm never going to see the light
I feel like I'm being punished for something I did
I feel like wellness is a thing in my past
I feel like my husband is being cheated out of life
I feel like I'm in hell
1. Something I am quickly learning is to stop caring what people think. If I get better, this will definitely be one of the "gifts" I take away from this experience. They will never know what it feels like unless they actually had to live the experience. Take comfort in knowing that there are people (here on the forums) that do know what it feels like which definitely verifies that you are not crazy. You know that you are not crazy and that is all that counts in the end.
2. Dr. Burrascano had to take Ceftin for 23 months before he got better... and that was just his first step of recovery. He had to go through two more steps to get better. We have all heard stories that it can take some time. Personally I am in utter disbelief that it can take a few years to get better, but it at least brings me down to earth when I worry about how long it has been. I also realize that my Lyme symptoms snuck up on me over a period of a few years, so it would seem logical that it would take some time to get better.
3. Ah...if I had a nickel for every time I thought I was being punished with Lyme for something I did, I would be a rich man. Honestly though...look at all the evil in this world that goes on daily. Do you really think that in the grand scheme of things you are being punished for some possible minor transgression while these other people get no retribution? If anything this forum has taught me is that all of us seem to be pretty decent people, yet we all have Lyme. Try comparing yourself to this group (to which you belong) and stop comparing yourself unfairly to normal people. When you are back to normal, then start comparing yourself to normal people again.
4. I have this feeling too. It's hard to do, but I also realize that >>IF<< there is a path to wellness again, it certainly isn't going to be achieved with negative thoughts. It's pretty simple really; will you get well faster with positive thoughts or negative thoughts? I think we all know the answer in our hearts. There are plenty of stories of people who get well after having Lyme, but there certainly are far, far less of people with Cancer, HIV, Kidney Failure, Liver failure, etc... You see where I'm going with this. Lyme is horrible, but it could be worse. Also, in the grand scheme of things, if I never get well, I want to be able to die knowing that I tried everything possible to get myself well. I don't want to be handed some flimsy excuse in heaven that I didn't think positive. I want to go to heaven and say to God's face...here I am, and I tried EVERYTHING reasonable to get better. Positive thinking is a reasonable requirement for an attempt to get well again. But in all fairness, what any of us consider "everything" will be different from person to person. Even so, positive thinking is the least you could do to help yourself.
5. I feel the same way about my wife and after much thought, I'm going to have to throw this ball back into God's court. There is nothing I can do to change how this is affects her. It's one of those darned if you do and darned if you don't things. Personally, I wish I could let my wife move on and start over...even if I eventually get healthy. It is not fair that her life has to be put on hold, but unfortunately the world is set up so that you can't do that because of the social and ethical stigmas that would be associated with it. So for worse, our spouses are STUCK with us, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that my wife has done nothing to deserve THIS. So, like I said, after much thinking on the matter, I'll let God explain it to her since it's his plan that forced her into this situation. Just for the record, I'm not mad at God, I just have come to some very realistic expectations regarding my situation and his role in my life. That being said, if you think about all the other heinous acts in the world that happen every day, the explanation he gives my wife will pale in comparison to what he will give to others. Just another way of saying, it could be worse I guess. What you should take away from this is that its not your fault, and you are unfairly shouldering the burden of something that you had no control over.
6. I agree with you there. Again, thinking on this matter for some time, I honestly believe that we are living in the proverbial hell, or at least this world is really just one big test. Why is it that everything in this world is geared towards making your health worse (aging, disease, accidents, murder) but there is no equally strong opposite that allows us to gain better health? It’s either a normal bill of health or declining health...there is no super level of health. I feel like we are unfairly confined to one half of the spectrum. Medicine, if we are lucky, only brings us back to the normal level of health, but there is nothing in this world one can do that will result in superior health. Why can't there be an "infection" or an act or a chance occurrence that results in superior health instead of worsening health? So I'm with you on this point.
I'm glad you came here to vent...to people who understand what you are going through. This always helps me. Also, find some small things that make you happy and do them as much as you like without feeling guilty. I know that I watch a lot of TV now and will spend a little extra on DVDs and such because I know they make me feel a little better. So treat yourself well in the areas that you still can!! Hang in there!!