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I am sooooo over this already!

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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/2/2009 6:07 PM (GMT -8)
Oh my goodness. Someone needs to tie me down. I do not want to do this treatment anymore. I want to go home now. I do not want to be away any more. I feel fine, until I go in for my treatments and take all of the stuff that they have me on. I spent 3 days in bed. Even the maid is giving me a hard time now. She told me to go and take a walk..well I told her! I told her to go and take a walk....lol

I have 4 bloody days of this treatment to go. Three more 6 hours treatments of edta. It sucks. I want to go home!

I know I am always so darn cheery about all of this bs...but my gosh! How much does one person have to take??? I have been doing this since Oct.

I am a lab rat and I am tired and I am not going to take it anymore.

I don not think that I can last the week. I really think that I have had enough. My mind and heart are not in this anymore. I am done, stick a fork in me. I am done. shocked

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hopingToFindCure
Veteran Member
Joined : Nov 2008
Posts : 759
Posted 2/2/2009 6:20 PM (GMT -8)
You can do it!

You can do it!

Yes you can!

Yes you can!

Repeat!
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susan1122
Regular Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 42
Posted 2/2/2009 6:39 PM (GMT -8)
Hang in there! But I hear ya....being a lab rat can get very, very tiring. And that is an understatement. But you can do it....not too much longer.
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Dowa
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2008
Posts : 1120
Posted 2/2/2009 6:44 PM (GMT -8)
Marie: If you are feeling poorly after the treatments, doesnt that show that you still have the "bugs" in your system?? That is exactly why I asked you last week how they know when you are ready to quit. Something must still be dying off to make you feel  the way you do. Right?? D
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scorpio1960
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 914
Posted 2/2/2009 7:19 PM (GMT -8)
Marie - Yes, hang in there. You're so close and almost hopefully done with it all! You can, and will, do it!!
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/2/2009 9:26 PM (GMT -8)
I honestly just do not think that I have any more ......drive to do this anymore. It is not so much the therapy, I just want to go home. My head is not in it anymore. It just keeps dragging on and on. It was supposed to be one more month when I got back. Now more. I am out here alone and my kids are sick and I just don't see that 3 more treatments of this stuff is going to change my life.
Plus now I am on a ton of abx and it is making me feel so much worse. I hate oral abx...and everyone on here knows how bad those make you feel. I mean abx along with the EDTA and along with the Zithro 500. I mean...I feel like I am dying instead of getting better now.
I could do this thing if I was home, if I had some fricken support, but man....I have hit my limit.
It is pretty pathetic that the maid and the doormen and the coffee people are my support in AZ. And they are all like....man...Marie...you are strong. Well...guess what I am not. Not any more.
When I get off of the floor and stop kicking and screaming I will let you know. In the mean time I will go into tomorrow and pitch my fit for them at the clinic..it will not be the first time.
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susan1122
Regular Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 42
Posted 2/2/2009 10:06 PM (GMT -8)
Maybe it is too much! What is EDTA (if you are up to explaining)...if not I'll do a search. Is that what you are doing in AZ? My 1st LLMD had me on so many abx, I really thought I was dying. I would do it differently now. But hindsight...blah, blah, blah...

You must miss your kids...now that would be sooo rough.
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sojourner
Veteran Member
Joined : Apr 2006
Posts : 1173
Posted 2/2/2009 10:40 PM (GMT -8)
follow your heart; listen to your body.

I am praying for you. It will only be a short time and you will be home with your little Lilly.

Wear that mask on the plane to protect you from the germs pls. U r run down. The clinic should be able to give you a couple at n/c after what you've invested in trust and treatment.

blessings,
sojourner
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runningiri
Regular Member
Joined : Jan 2008
Posts : 373
Posted 2/3/2009 10:16 AM (GMT -8)
Martha,

I'm confused?? I thought a big reason why you went to Envita was because you were sick of taking antibiotics and thought that they were dangerous. I was under the impression that Envita was mostly alternative and that they did not use antibiotics. But now, as you say, you are on tons of them. Can you clarify?

Runningirl
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/3/2009 10:21 AM (GMT -8)
Susan,
The abx made you feel like dying too? What would you do differently now? Do tell. I am sucking it up. It is just hard to kick myself in the butt now. So I am sticking my tongue out at everyone here and the clinic and they have hung a hazard sign on my door..lol
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/3/2009 10:27 AM (GMT -8)
hey runnin,
Yes you are right. I had done big doses of abx, from the day of my tick bite and then more later with the german dr. and none of it worked for me.
they say here that the lyme knows how to curl up in a protective shield of many sorts and that the abx just go floating by.
so they go after the outer shell and then have the abx go in and kill the bacteria. they also are more concerned about boosting the immune system and sort of give you body a jump start to protect itself and deal with the disease itself.
That is my impression anyways. So it is a complicated treatment with many different things. Like the Ozone therapy. Which I like by the way. I like it that my blood had all been cleaned many times.
Since most of my lyme was mental. Maybe this is why most of my herx is mental, and why my mood is so bad!
I have not been pissed like this in years. Guess anger is something that I am going to have to learn how to deal with ...lol
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/3/2009 10:33 AM (GMT -8)
Thank you Sourjourn....the Saint on the forum. :>)

Very good idea with the mask on the plane. I keep hearing that everyone in Az is sick now. Luckily I have only one plane to catch home on Sat.
Man I am going to stick it out this week. But I guess I am going to spend the whole week in bed. I really do not feel good. It is just scary to be alone in a hotel feeling so bad. But....three more days...
i am hooked up now at the clinic. yuke.....
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susan1122
Regular Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 42
Posted 2/3/2009 10:38 AM (GMT -8)
Hi Martha's Vineyard,

Yes, I really thought I was dying at one point! And I really can't even go on strong antibiotics anymore, because they put me straight into bed. My 1st LLMD was pretty much learning at the same time I was about Lyme...and although I love her for taking on Lyme patients and diagnosing me, I feel she didn't know what she was doing at times. But this is a journey for all of us, huh?!

Anyway, what I would do differently is not take so many abx that I felt terrible and constantly herxed. I would probably do light abx with supplements or something holistic. People say a herx is suppose to happen, you get worse and then feel better. I never felt better. Whenever I was on the abx I felt terrible (my LLMD at the time didn't know about detoxing either). But, big but, I may not be as well now (I do have good days now) if I didn't do the abx. So I would never condemn them and I think it's different for everyone. The part I haven't figured out yet is what holistic approach works best. I guess we are all working on that.

Another thing my LLMD didn't push was probiotics, so I wound up with a hugely stubborn systemic yeast infection. I think we all know about that now, though. And finally she didn't know about co-infections at the time...and either did I. So I went on IV abx and found out 2 years later that I had Babesia...so I had to do more abx (oral). So I would have done a lot differently!

But specifically, which has more to do with what you are going through, I would have done it lot more slowly and gently.

Good luck! I really know how hard this is and it really does stink to high heaven.

Post Edited (susan1122) : 2/3/2009 11:42:27 AM (GMT-7)

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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/3/2009 10:46 AM (GMT -8)
Susan,
How are you feeling now? Sounds like you have been a lab rat too...lol
How does your lyme effect you with a co-infection of Babesia?
M
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scorpio1960
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 914
Posted 2/3/2009 10:58 AM (GMT -8)
Marie, I am so sorry you are feeling so terrible. I wish there was something I could do to make it easier for you. You've really been an inspiration to me and so many others here and your sense of humor has kept me going. You only have a few more days and then you'll be back home with your precious girls. You have many people pulling for you and I'm sending you lots of positive thoughts and hugs. Stay strong and hang in there! Valerie
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rvnut
Regular Member
Joined : Dec 2008
Posts : 67
Posted 2/3/2009 11:03 AM (GMT -8)
Marie,

It's hard to argue with your desire to get out.

It sounds like they are going for the big and final kill. No Lyme recurrance for you

Just think howc much better you'll be for your girls. how much bigger lifewill be for you. Think about that Lyme beastie screaming in agony through it's final death throes..... And just smile.

yeah yeah

So happy for you!

Ray
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Dowa
Veteran Member
Joined : Sep 2008
Posts : 1120
Posted 2/3/2009 11:13 AM (GMT -8)
I am getting a bad feeling about Envita, I'll be very honest with you. I called them last year and was told they did not use antibiotics for Lyme. Now after all of your "alternative" treatments they are doing the antibiotics. Doesnt it seem to you like they are a little desperate?? If something works for someone I am the first to say "go for it." But honestly Marie, I am getting concerned now. I am not being critical, but something doesnt seem right. Know what I mean? And like someone here advised, listen to your body because no one knows it like you do... D

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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/3/2009 12:11 PM (GMT -8)
I had not been herxing for most of the time that I have been here. Actually I have felt great most of the time here.
The head nurse even had to tell me to stop working out before. This of course had never been a problem before. lol
I guess that the first part of this treatment was trying to get my immune system back on track.

yeah Dowa, a year ago was such a long time ago with lyme. They are using a new treatment on me that was not passed yet till 09. So...

This is the hard part. It just seems odd that the end was the hardest. I am just going to crawl home and have to avoid pre-k kids when I get home. lol. My daughter sounds like she has bronkitis or something. I am going to cover my face on the plane and cross my fingers. My kids are going to be jumping up and down along with my boyfriend and I am just going to go to bed...for about a month. I have had such bad nausea, they gave me a shot on my butt for it. Now I am so light headed.
Guess it is all hitting me at once. No cake walk. Thank god tomorrow is Wed. I see the light at the end of the tunnel now..but it is giving me a darn headahce..:>)

Thanks for the support. I just need a good kick in the butt! Or maybe a hug.
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strange violin
Regular Member
Joined : Aug 2006
Posts : 134
Posted 2/3/2009 12:38 PM (GMT -8)
Stay strong! This'll pay off!
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susan1122
Regular Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 42
Posted 2/3/2009 2:36 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Marie,

I have good days and bad days. It's really frustrating to not really know why. I do not know why a day is good or when it's bad why. I can only guess and I'm wrong a lot of the time. I'm at the point where I think I have to live like this and do the best I can....supplements, diet, etc. I am not treating the Lyme right now.

The Babesia was cleared a few years back (I hope : )...I do think it's gone, but you just never get any hard facts with Lyme and co-infections....at least I haven't had many hard facts). For me all the symptoms were so similar and my memory is so bad I couldn't tell you what was Babs and what was Lyme. Night sweats! I just remembered something...hahaha. I use to get night sweats and I think that is a Babs symptom and I don't get that much anymore (except when I have too many covers on).

But overall, I'm better. I'm not in bed all day. I can take walks, I'm not in as much pain. I'm still tired a lot...but it's not as bad.

Anyway, I hope you feel better very soon! I agree with Scorpio, you are in inspiration and I, also, appreciate your humor.

Sue/Susan (I go by both)
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scorpio1960
Veteran Member
Joined : Jan 2009
Posts : 914
Posted 2/3/2009 5:24 PM (GMT -8)
I'm sending you lots of hugs!
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/4/2009 9:57 AM (GMT -8)
Hi,
Yeah he is here too in the next room...sweet guy and cute too girls...lol for all you want to be lymie daters...ha.
I don't think he has the time or the energy to put up with any of you gals...hehehe. I misses my Dr. app this morning. I slept like a log till 9 this morning. Unlike me.
Oh think his name is Jacob. That is what I have been calling him....lol I went home yesterday and stayed in bed. I had been working out alot before. And I was not supposed to be doing that because stress's the body too much. I am a type A person who has a lot of trouble laying still. Regardless how bad I feel. But I am making a point of it now. I feel good today. I am just overly eager to get home.
Oh keep hope..the follow up test have to do with a blood test. umm something CD57? Is that it? I am sort of spacy today, and yesterday. It is annoying. The Dr. told me about this. and I remember someone talking about it on this forum. Being the best way to test for the levels of lyme in your system.
All things considered I am keeping my port in and if I need a tune up at some time. ok...
I am much better. I can drive and think and work and date and oh...I am getting my kids back. so. I am not longer no able to care for my children and I am no longer going to be institutionalized. So this is big. wow...can't even believe that stuff now. How sad.
The thing that I like the best about being here is that for the first time in 5 years my issues are being adressed period.
Like most I was told that it was all in my head and sent packing. Here I am getting treated. No one ever told me that it would be easy.
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Martha's Vineyard
Veteran Member
Joined : Jul 2008
Posts : 1119
Posted 2/4/2009 10:04 AM (GMT -8)
I am on day three today. And I feel better. Only two more days. One long day tomorrow and then a mineral day Friday. I think. Then I have a flight out on Sat. at 4 pm to Florida. Yes I have already started packing!
Thank you for the support! I mean really guys! I am not usaully not such a cry baby. Thank you for all the direct letters of incouragement. It helped so much.
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snake1979
Regular Member
Joined : Apr 2008
Posts : 282
Posted 2/5/2009 3:14 PM (GMT -8)
Well...Martha's Vineyard is gone.  She is well and we are not!  Just to let everyone know...I am at Envita also.  This clinic is very aggresive and they dont mess around.  The protocol consists of IV Sodium EDTA (Chelator-Biofilm buster)  IV Antibiotics (Zithromax, Doxy...etc) "back to back".  Three hours of Sodium EDTA and one hour of antibiotics.  They also use Silver injections, IV Peroxide, IV Ozone (blood UV) and other types of treatments.  Very aggressive in alternative and allopathic.  It is by far the best clinic dealing with lyme.  They are always pushing the limits. 

Martha's Vineyard is our guinea pig...so if no relapse,  this is really working. 

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hopingToFindCure
Veteran Member
Joined : Nov 2008
Posts : 759
Posted 2/5/2009 4:33 PM (GMT -8)
Good luck Marie! We're glad someone's well !
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