James, you must stop constantly telling yourself that you are going to die, as well as projecting lab readings that have not yet been done. I know it's difficult, esp the issues you are dealing with. Plus, I know the kind of anxiety and hopeless type feelings this disease causes -- and they're physical, not all mental.
You must find a way to tell yourself that you are doing all the appropriate things and will come to an answer/diagnosis soon. You must also tell yourself that once you receive a diagnosis that you believe in that you will respond very well to treatment and be back in the saddle again soon!
And you must tell yourself these things, even if you do not believe them. Just say them.