Posted 6/28/2009 8:25 PM (GMT -7)
thank you so much for all your support, it brings a few tears to my eyes.. i actually do mean that.. i saw that "gracies mom" called me today and left a VM, after i heard her message i broke down in tears. I was so happy that someone reached out to me that didn't even know me. It was a special moment in my life i'll never forget.. I mean never!! i called her back and we talked for a good 45 minutes about stuff and she gave me a ton of advice.. i am loaded with information now that i can move foward with.. I will be taking the HIV test and other tests to rule stuff out or IN, hope and pray i'm ruling these things out.. I'm sorry for talking about HIV in the lyme disease forum, but it has been on my mind ever since i had that one night stand 4 years ago.. And once someone gets sick, and stays sick, the past comes back into my mind and it haunts me. Thats why i say that HIV is a scare of mine, i was thinking to myself, MAN, what if i get tested for lyme and it comes back neg but pos for hiv. wow.. what a shocker huh?
but to everyone else that is supporting me, all i can say is thank you!!!! to the bottom of my heart!!! i'm a really good guy that has never felt like this before, like many say, it feels like i'm actually dying.. I was just waiting for any doc to tell me *you have 3 months*.
i'm a very pro-active person.. i might take things a little to far sometimes.. I actually do have those thoughts of ending it, but i know i won't.. i just think that way, because i've never felt like this before.. if have been sick, its usually a 2 day things and it goes away. But when you have the chronic pain and anxiety/stress everyday for the last 2 months almost... it makes you think, "why do i get out of bed" its like waking up to a nightmare..
the best part of my day or night is sleeping, i know that sounds dumb.. but sleeping makes me sad a little because i'm wasting my day, but then again it makes me happy because i'm not dealing with any stress/anxiety at the moment..
i don't know who to thank first, but i know you all support me, and i'm praying for good results about hiv. i'm just trying to knock out whamies right now and move on from one disease rule out to the other rule out...I'm hoping to rule them all out besides lyme and pinpoint that as the culprit.
i ruled out skin cancer.. one down!!
lupus-runs in the family, i'll get tested for that also....
i know i sound like a hypo, but hey, there is no way i would be doing this if it wasn't for lyme.. which is better safe than sorry i guess.. so i can say thanks to lyme for something i guess. not trying to be funny.. but hey, i haven't sounded funny on these threads for the last week. or at all..
i will be a nervous wreck prolly after testing for hiv, but i will request some anxiety pills tomorrow "gracie's mom' advice given there. thank you
like gracies mom said.. i will rule out other stuff and send off my IgEnex papers and blood tomorrow to test for other infections that quest doesn't do.. and go from there, i will be getting in touch with DR. C in Springfield MO and hopefully recover from this disease and keep it at bay.
lymekiller. i understand you have issues like all of us do, i'm not trying to be selfish and draw all the attention my way, this is my first time dealing with this, and i'm confused about everything, i have little support at home so i come here. And everyone here has been so supportive plus 100 times. I hope i didn't do something to upset you.. i'm sorry you are having problems also, i will pray for you and everyone on here that has a rough time with the disease or knows someone close to them with the disease..
what else can i say, i love you guys and gals!!! it might sound weird, but i actually believe in you guys and i know you mean the best for me.
i will report back with results soon. hopefully positive results, not positive as in bad, but positive as in negative results.. that almost came out wrong... who wants to look at a piece of paper and it says your positive.. OUCHIE!!!! i would freak....
thanks to all...