I know I have all of you here, but I wish sometimes that I could talk to my sister...she says it makes her uncomfortable when I talk about
being sick and that she doesn't want to hear me be so negative. She thinks me expressing my fears is being negative...and then I DO end up being negative because I get so afraid that I end up saying "It's just not going to be okay. I know it."
I feel bad for making her feel bad, but I also think she should be there for me, even if it's just to listen. She shouldn't tell me not to talk about my own reality. Is that selfish? She makes me feel selfish.
I haven't cried like this since I started treatment...but today was so bad...I feel so alone and I was doing so well lately saying I was going to keep fighting because I couldn't imagine that God would make me live in this hell forever...that I should force myself to believe it will all work out...and now I feel the complete opposite.
This is mostly just a vent...so thanks for listening if you did.