Hey -- by 'former self' I was not ony referring to how we used to be or all the things we used to be able to do. I'm talking about
that loss of self -- like not knowing who I am anymore. It's the neuro stuff. Nothing seems to have any real meaning anymore. I don't know who I am. I search and search thru my mind, looking for myself and it's like I can't find myself in there.
I look around myself and see the things I should be grateful for, but can't seem to find the reason. The things that used to bring me joy don't even move me. It's sorta like I'm living in an empty shell. I am very emotional about
some things, but there is no relief in those emotions -- it's like they're deeper because I can't do anything about
what has caused the emotions.
Like crying for dogs, for example (as I've done for years). It does reach into me and it causes really deep emotions. But I'm only overwhelmed by them because I feel incapable of doing anything about
it, and so little pieces of me die every time I am moved.
well, I don't know how else to describe it, cause I've never been a good writer -- but maybe you kinda know the feeling. I think it's a lot of what Jendays means about
loss of self.
where the heck are we?
Suspect TBI in 1972. Attacked tonsils (recurring high fevers, constant low grade fevers, chronic tonsillitis) , pregnancy (miscarraige), appendix, heart (mitral valve prolapse), hypoglycemia, depression, chronic acute neck and back pain.
Next suspect Mother's Day 2007. Diagnosed w/ Lyme and Bart June 2009. (awaiting more test results)
In treatment for recurrent depression, anxiety, low thyroid.
Bit again 7/1/2009, began Doxy 200 mg /day