James, Killer, and all of you who have lost people you love/loved because of your disease -- I am very sorry. I think we are learning about
how shallow people are anymore.
I do think that even as much as we are suffering -- some more than others -- we have to work very hard at not making our lives so negative. It's especialy difficult, because irritability and negativity are so much a part of this disease.
I have lost many friends simply because I've been so negative, down, and unresponsive. I don't believe these people have turned against me to the point I could not befriend them again. But they have let me fall by the wayside, and frankly, right now, I don't care, except that I know in my heart that I haven't 'been there' for them either, when they may have needed me.
As we struggle along here, we do need to try to imagine what it must be like to be w/ someone who is constantly so negative and tired. It must wear on them after a certain point. No one wants to talk about
a disease all the time or constantly hear about
how we feel.
I guess the difference between being w/ someone w/ this disease as opposed to some other disease, is that w/ other diseases, a person at least seems to improve, and not malinger like we do. It's easier to stick w/ someone and help them fight, if you are experiencing hope and improvement. Not so w/ Lyme for too many people.
In all my reading about
this disease -- I've been reading a lot about
the neuro -- and isolation is a part of this disease as well. I have absolutely no desire to do anything w/ anybody. I will do things w/ my kids (grown) when they want to, but I cannot initiate anything.
I constantly lie to get out of invitations. I am doing all I can right now just to work and take care of my dogs. And that's getting difficult. I can't get my own housework done, let alone help anyone w/ anything. I admit I am on the computer too much and it is sapping me, and I suspect the same is true for some of you.
Still, the idea of getting myself together to do anything besides go to work is overwhelming. The very idea of any kind of romance is totally and completely dead in me. I don't have the energy or anything to give anymore.
I am happy for those of you who have understanding and compassionate mates and partners. And I am so sorry for you who have lost -- it seems that no one wants to give anymore, do they?
Suspect TBI in 1972. Attacked tonsils (recurring high fevers, constant low grade fevers, chronic tonsillitis) , pregnancy (miscarraige), appendix, heart (mitral valve prolapse), hypoglycemia, depression, chronic acute neck and back pain.
Next suspect Mother's Day 2007. Diagnosed w/ Lyme and Bart June 2009. (awaiting more test results)
In treatment for recurrent depression, anxiety, low thyroid.
Bit again 7/1/2009, began Doxy 200 mg /day