pcpc -- Gosh, I am so very sorry you have been going thru this!
I relate to what you describe, altho not near as bad as what you are experiencing! My mood swings are almost unbearable, esp since there's never any 'high' experience, only degrees of 'low'.
I don't know that I can relate exactly to the feeling of a seizure, however, for the past few weeks, almost daily, I am hit w/ a rock bottom depression, exactly as you describe above -- with those same feelings. Often, a horrible anxiety type feeling (do not know how to describe) hits also. All my muscles get tenser and tenser -- my whole body feels rigid. It was so bad last evening -- the rigid feeling -- that I wondered if I was going to have a seizure or something. I have never had a seizure in my life, so I don't know what it feels like. I just felt like my body was turning into a stiff board and that I had no control over it.
I do take antidepressants, and a xanax helped relieve these feelings last nite.
The depression seems to hit out of the blue and your feelings of overwhelmed, crying, and the s word are exactly how I feel. Then it will pass. But these episodes seem to last for hours, not minutes, altho it is a gradual build up.
pcpc, your post helps in that I've been wondering if I have a new infection or if this might be the beginning of herxing. I don't feel that I've been on a high enough dose of doxy to herx, but maybe it's possible that I am.
It also helps to know that someone else is feeling something similar. Because when this comes on, I am feeling like the most worthless, hopeless, defective human being there ever was, and then I will despise myself.
Thank you for sharing, and again, I am very sorry.
Suspect TBI in 1972. Attacked tonsils (recurring high fevers, constant low grade fevers, chronic tonsillitis) , pregnancy (miscarraige), appendix, heart (mitral valve prolapse), hypoglycemia, depression, chronic acute neck and back pain.
Next suspect Mother's Day 2007. Diagnosed w/ Lyme and Bart June 2009. (awaiting more test results)
In treatment for recurrent depression, anxiety, low thyroid.
Bit again 7/1/2009, began Doxy 200 mg /day