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Posted 7/22/2009 4:44 AM (GMT -8)
Hi all,

I wasn't going to post about this as I don't want anyone feeling sorry for me so please don't. 

My baby brother who was only 49 passed away 3-1/2 months ago from melanoma skin cancer.  I am still grieving for him and still kind of in shock...

I loved my brother so very much and now I am worried about my Mother who will be 84 years old..  She is so frail and so depressed..   I am consoling her the best I can and we have been crying together..

I just can't believe my baby brother is gone..  I love him soooooo much!!

Denise

Posted 7/22/2009 4:50 AM (GMT -8)
Denise,

Oh my gosh hun! I am so very sorry. When I read your post, I felt like I had just swallowed a huge apple. My heart sunk:( Life is so short. With this disease, I am learning to cherish people and things alot more. Gosh, I wish I could give you a big hug! I'm so, so sorry hun. If you ever need someone to talk to, I am here....okay? Email me anytime.

You, your mom and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Posted 7/22/2009 4:54 AM (GMT -8)
I do not feel sorry for you, but I feel hurt over your loss.

It is very hard to loose someone we love dearly.

I pray time and the memories of the good times you shared with your brother will lessen the pain.
Posted 7/22/2009 5:13 AM (GMT -8)
skin cancer is really scary, i've had about 10 moles removed from me, and i have a few more to go.. sorry to hear about your pain..
Posted 7/22/2009 5:20 AM (GMT -8)
Denise,

It is always very difficult to lose a close relative- especially at such a young age. You and your Mom will be able to get through this- it will just take time.

I'll be keeping the both of you, and your brother, in my prayers.
Posted 7/22/2009 6:29 AM (GMT -8)
Denise-I really am so very sorry for your loss. Cancer takes way too many way too young. Your post really made me notice something. My husband has this thing on his face somewhat recently and when he took a shower the other day, it just started bleeding. But it doesn't seem to heal. I real didn't think about it until I saw your post. He is outside a lot. Because of your post, my eyes have been opened and I will make my husband get that thing checked out asap. Thank you!!! (((((hugs))))))))
Posted 7/22/2009 7:02 AM (GMT -8)
I am thinking about you, Denise. Love, Amey
Posted 7/22/2009 7:26 AM (GMT -8)
I know that you asked us not to feel sorry for you, but I do. That is a tremedous loss for you and your mom. I am truly sorry.
Posted 7/22/2009 8:16 AM (GMT -8)
DEjavu....
So sorry for your loss. That is awful.
It is okay to grieve for the loss of your brother...cry all you want.
It is impossible to tell you not to worry about any one and everyone in your family.
I too worry too much sometimes.
But if it helps at all. You sould celebrate his short life and know that he is in a much better place and than you will see him again some day.
And know that he is with you now.

84 is a good age and she should get a medal for making it that far. Enjoy your mom...have your good cries together. Let he grieve the loss of a child...horrid....
But you will see him again.
You will miss him for years. The holidays will be harder. So you are on a long road of recovery. But turn to your faith and maybe that will help you some.
Give you some strengh.
I also say that it is the good ones who seem to go first. And from exspierence all the ******s I know live forever...lol
Big kiss to you!
Marie

Post Edited By Moderator (1bitten2xshy) : 7/22/2009 11:01:43 AM (GMT-6)

Posted 7/22/2009 10:58 AM (GMT -8)
Denise, Im so sorry to hear of you loss. i can relate to it also, as i loss my baby brother too. your lucky you had him for the yrs you did.the loss will weaken as time goes by. but the memories will never lose there strength.

i have a portrait of my brother right beside my bad. so he is the last thing i see at night and the first i see when i wake up.

he has been gown for over 40 yrs now. and not a day goes by i do not think of him. but i keep in mind that my mom and dad are with him now and they are bouncing him on there knee as i type.

¤°´¯BIG.¤*¨*¤(¯`´¯)¤*¨*¤.Hugs¯`°¤.
Posted 7/22/2009 11:06 AM (GMT -8)
Denise, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Valerie
Posted 7/22/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -8)
so sorry to hear denise , I know how you feel I lost my brother when i was 15 he was only 18 at the time, again sorry to hear this news
Posted 7/22/2009 11:21 AM (GMT -8)
Denise,

I am very sorry for your loss.  I will keep you, your Mom and family in my thoughts and prayers.  KO

Posted 7/22/2009 3:31 PM (GMT -8)
Denise, My heart goes out to you at this time. I understand too. It seems like yesterday but it was eight years ago....Just when I thought my heart couldn't break any worse after my son was killed in a car accident... six months later my brother who was like a best friend past away from cancer.

The pain never goes away one just gets used to it. Blessings to you in your grief.
Posted 7/22/2009 3:37 PM (GMT -8)
It seems for every good thing, comes something like this. So what is the gift your brother is bringing from this passing over. Let us know!
In the mean time god bless your family, prayers and love from mine.
Posted 7/22/2009 5:30 PM (GMT -8)
Hi Denise,

I am glad that you decided to share the loss of your brother with us. I am really touched that you have so much love for him but very sorry for the difficult impact this has been for you over the past couple of months. Empathy vs. sympathy!

In the beginning when we first learned about Heth's Lyme dx; I came here afraid - terrified. You were one of a precious few who met me here and encouraged me. I have kept all of those first emails that we all had flying back and forth.

You need to know that others care when you are going through a difficult time and you came to share b/c it is life impacting to you and we have become a part of your 'community'.

Please take care. Our family will be praying for you - for that deep peace to come and for comfort in the days ahead.

And Minerals - my heart goes out to you as well. I was sad to read of your suffering and tremendous loss. It helps us to know each other deeply not only in the battle for Lyme; but the journey of our lives. Your words were from personal experience and very touching. I am sorry you had to say good-bye to your son and for the loss of your brother during that time.

Blessings,
Sojourner
Posted 7/23/2009 1:46 AM (GMT -8)
Dear Denise,

We are so sorry for your loss. We send you our love, prayers, and hugs. bablymers family
Posted 7/23/2009 4:20 AM (GMT -8)
I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you and yours. (and that is sorry as in that you ever have to endure the pain of loss, not feeling sorry for).
Posted 7/23/2009 4:31 AM (GMT -8)

Denise, I am very sorry for you and your mother's loss. 

Maybe in the future you and your mother could make a memory book of your brother, have a star named for him, or have a tree planted in his honor.

 

Posted 7/23/2009 4:48 AM (GMT -8)
Hi everyone,

I can't tell you enough how much all of your words touched my heart.  Thank you.

What is agonizing is how my brother's wife handled everything.  She is not a nice person and after my brother passed, she didn't consult my family (even though she has been close to my family) about any funeral arrangements, she didn't ask if we wanted any of my brother's things for memory reasons (for lack of better words).

My brother was not happy with his wife (they were married about 7 or 8 years, I don't remember exactly) and she married my brother for his money as that is what she does (my brother was husband #3).   She refused him sex, she did what she wanted.  A totally selfish human being.  My brother was talking about divorcing her.

What is bothering my mother and myself is that my SIL had my brother cremated 2 days after he passed (we do not know if that was his wishes) and I asked my SIL if my family could have his ashes.  She said no.

 My mother said to me last night that she wishes she could visit my brother but there is no place to visit him.  It would give us a sense of closure which we never got as there was no funeral.   The story gets worse about the "gathering" she had (but I'll leave out all the horrid details).

My mother blames my SIL for my brother getting the skin cancer in the first place because she took him to her house in Greece and didn't suggest any sun protection and sure enough, my brother returned red as a lobster with blistering.  It was only a short time after that he was diagnosed with the skin cancer.  

I know my family needs to let go of all this because we can't change anything. 

For my mother's sake I wish I could legally get my brother's ashes.    I don't know if I should talk to an attorney.  I just want my mother to have some sort of peace and closure. 

Ticker, the Star is a great idea.

Thanks again everyone!

Big Hugs to you all,

Denise

Posted 7/23/2009 4:57 AM (GMT -8)

Deejavu said...
For my mother's sake I wish I could legally get my brother's ashes.    I don't know if I should talk to an attorney.  I just want my mother to have some sort of peace and closure. 

Denise, you do not have to have ashes for closure.  Closure is in you memories, it is in the wind, in that special song, in the beautiful sunset.

You and your Mom can speak and visit with your brother at any time you so desire...it does not have to be in an urn or a place where his ashes are scattered in the wind.


Maybe you could plan a gathering with close family and friends where you remember and tell wonderful stories of your brother.  Have some pictures blown up...share, laugh and cry with your friends and family.  Do something that was special to your brother.  Maybe that will help bring some type of closure for you and your Mom.

I know, I lost my son on 12/2/06 in a work accident at the age of 25. We had to go thru alot of legal crap as well.  Long story.


He too was cremated and we did not get the ashes.  He loved to fish, oh fishing was his life, that and singing off tune to every country song there was.  We went to Tybee Island, GA where he loved to fish, early one summer morning to watch the sunrise.  We cast our poles, sang off tune to his beloved country music, cried and rememberd him with much love and joy.


We came home and planted a lovely tree in the yard with a bench by it.  We sometimes sit on that bench and reflect.

There will always be a piece of my heart missing.

Posted 7/23/2009 5:16 AM (GMT -8)
Oh my Gosh you guys! You got my eyes watering.

Denise: How sad is it that your SIL did that. I think 1Bittens idea is wonderful. Maybe you are your mom could have some kind of closure. My heart goes out to you hun.

1Bitten: What an inspiring and wonderful post. I'm so sorry for your loss as well:( Your son was so young. I'm glad you got to remember him though. You are awesome!
Posted 7/23/2009 5:25 AM (GMT -8)
My heart goes out to all of you who have lost someone dear to you.

 

Posted 7/23/2009 10:24 AM (GMT -8)
One thing I know for sure is those we love never truely leave us.
Posted 7/23/2009 11:15 AM (GMT -8)
i'm glad you shared that with all of us...i will pray for you and your mom...when my mom died 9 years ago, i tried to do something everyday that would make her smile...i still sometimes pick up the phone to share something with her because she alive in my heart and thoughts...your brother will be too if you continue to honor him in some way...and pay attention to the signs and your dreams and you will see that he is truly still with you...
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