It's been a long time since I posted as there came a point where I could add no creative and uplifting news to this beast of a disease which even after 4 years of having it, I still can not come to grips with. On top of that, I have been drinking heavily for a long while now to numb the pain, all the while taking antibiotics to keep this %$#*! at bay. I didn't drink for the first 2 years of having lyme. I am very low right now. I have no clue where to go from here. The thing is, the drinking makes it feel better. There was a time during the first 2 years of being sick, that I would do anything to get better and then I hit a wall and no matter what I do with the next course of antibiotics, it doesn't improve. I came home tonight and drank and dulled out the pain, but have not had a drink in 2 hours now and the pain is right back and now will take something to go to sleep. The thought of it got me crying and hysterical and I just needed a place to put my words to print in hope that somebody can relate. It's been so long and I am so %$#*@ tired. I think even if I cut out the alcohol, that I will be reliant on a sedative to sleep and strong pain meds which I already have, but try to avoid since that brings up another set of issues. I'm 40 and feel like I'm 80 and I am geting bitter and pissed off now. Anyways, just needed to vent. Best to Georgiagirl, JGINKC, Alfers, and the other folks who came along onto this site about 2 years ago and of course to all my lymie compatriots. God bless.
I read your post above to my husband...... and he said to me, "When did you write that?"..... and of course, I told him "I didn't write it, someone else with Lyme did." I have turned to alcohol twice during the past 9 years.... I'm also a recovering alcoholic. It would have been like 22 years without a drink, but when I broke bones in both of my feet... I lost it. I couldn't take any more pain, injury... whatever. That was about 5-6 years ago. I stopped until about 3-4 months ago... and I lost it again. Alcohol was the only thing I knew that would stop the pain, at least for a little while. I have since stopped again (embarrassingly busted by my husband, I had a paper bag full of empties under my bathroom sink).
Just wanted to let you know that you are not alone. This disease seems to have killed off parts of me. I never thought that anything could make me drink again. I know that I made a very concious decision to drink.... I thought a lot about it... and being pain free, even for a few moments won out. I'm tired of fighting this battle today.... but, tomorrow I have to go to Quest early...then the nurse will come and insert a line for my IV. Then I will drive an hour to go into a hyperbaric chamber and I will continue the battle.
I don't really have any answers. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this battle.
Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed, it's the only thing that ever has. - Margaret Meade
06/00- I begin to fall apart, 08/01-LD +, 10/01- Igenex and CDC LD positive, 10/02-LD +, 11/03-LD +, 10/07-Bartonella +, CD57=3, koseri IgA +, Morganella +, motgani +,Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever +, Typhus +, Klebsiella pneumonia +, Proteus miabilis +, Citrobacter i IgA +, Hafnia alvai IgA +, NKC4 +, Interleukin 4 (IL4) +, IL8, Immunobillin (IM01) +.
Rx's 06/15/09: Wellbutrin 300, Paxil 60, Xanax 5, Acidophilus, Lyrica 600, Levaquin 500, Diflucan, Invanz IV, possibly Gammaglobulin, Flagyl, HBOT