I'm an IDIOT!! enough said! i will never learn my lesson

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james from missouri
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 10/10/2009 6:08 PM (GMT -7)   
hello all!

i'm feeling decent, still having stupid symptoms!!! i've just learned to live with them now... so its really no big deal anymore...isn't that bad to say?

anyways, i had a thread back in july about how my g/f broke up with me.. long story! she dumped me, i had to many health issues, and i was draggin her down, OK..i get it... fast foward to now...i've been getting by, she had a b/f after me, it didn't work out, it last a month.. now i'm back talking to her again...it was me that re approached her after finding out her last b/f didnt' work...i thought this is my chance to get her back... i'm dumb! well, its been a week, and all we do is talk and text back and forth...i'm out looking for houses again, and she wants to be part of this process...i asked her though if she wanted to help me find my new home...what is wrong with me? i can't seem to let go and move on.. even though for 3 months i did no contact with her...even though she works in the same building as me... i kept strong!!! now i'm weak.. jeez!!! she prolly has an idea i'm interested again, but i haven't came out and told her that i love her or i have feelings for her still.. I've just been talking simple talk to her... Isn't the rule of thumb is, if you let it go, and it comes back to you, it was meant to be? does that mean i'm coming back to her because she let me go? i'm confused all over again...


Veteran Member

Date Joined Oct 2009
Total Posts : 699
   Posted 10/10/2009 6:59 PM (GMT -7)   
Wow, James, reading your post I am sad that you are in such turmoil but I feel incapable of helping other than to offer a few casual observations. Starting at the end of your post, the rule of thumb you refer to would work if you wanted to get out of the relationship previously and she let you go out of love for you and then you came back to her because you realized she was the one for you. From what you say that is not your situation.

When I am in turmoil about something in my life, the absolute most helpful thing I can do is to listen to myself. If you read your post as an outsider, the answer you seek is in there. Then it's a matter of deciding what to do about it.

Best of luck to you and happy to hear that you are living well with the Lyme.


I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35859
   Posted 10/11/2009 10:09 AM (GMT -7)   
Hey James,
IMHO ~ Love can be hard for us Lymies - we carry the extra burden of having to be careful who we allow into our lives, as the stress of a not-so-good relationship can really make us more ill - no matter whether it's with a significant other or just a friend.

Is she supportive of you? Or does she create stress in your life? The last thing we Lymies need is more stress. For me, my hubby understands, and yet he doesn't - how can anyone that hasn't been through this kind of ordeal?? But the one thing he doesn't do, is question my illness. I believe I am one of the lucky ones, though.

Just my opinion though~
It's been said:LD patients can be as ill as people w/ congest. heart failure & in as much pain as post-op patients.

james from missouri
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 10/11/2009 4:56 PM (GMT -7)   
she asked how i've been with the lyme since we parted. i just told her i'm getting by and i'm alot better than i was before.. that was about it, i learned my lesson, i'm not going to talk about all my problems and symptoms to anyone really.. Nobody really cares about what you think is wrong with you.. She doesn't add any stress in my life, the only stress i have is not being with her, I would be stress free if we got back together. She was my best friend before all of this, and i'm trying to work on that friendship still.. its just hard not being able to tell her i love her and miss her still.. i just have way to much pride.. i think i will probably ask her if she wants to hang out soon and see how that goes..i just don't want to back track and get hurt all over again.. but i want to throw my cards out there, and if its meant to be, it will happen.. if not, this would be enough closure for me..

Forum Moderator

Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35859
   Posted 10/11/2009 5:37 PM (GMT -7)   
Hi James!
You do sound like you have a healthy attitude about the whole thing.

I have just about pounded into my kids head that you need to be good friends before anything long-term can work. I have had entirely too many relationships not work, because when we were having problems, the only way I could see them was as a significant other.

I did finally get it right, though!!! Hubby & I are just a few months from our 10 yr anniv & it has been really pretty good!! Although we do quite well together, if there is an issue that we don't agree on as husband & wife - I can still (& do) respect his opinions & decisions as a friend.

Just my 2 cents worth - but best of luck!!!
It's been said:LD patients can be as ill as people w/ congest. heart failure & in as much pain as post-op patients.

Veteran Member

Date Joined Mar 2009
Total Posts : 4717
   Posted 10/11/2009 5:59 PM (GMT -7)   
I agree. The friendship part is the most important. You want someone that knows you inside and out. They should know the good and the bad and still love you. You want to be able to tell this person anything and be able to rely on them and trust them. My husband and I are best friends and we've been married for 15 years.

James, Im nervous for you. I soooo want this to work out because I can tell that you truly love her. I know that you will do what you want in the end but please don't forget what she did. I know that everyone makes mistakes and we all deserve second chances but please be careful. You definitely don't need to go through the stress again. Make sure she is there for YOU and not because she thinks you're well and getting a house.

I hope I don't upset you for saying that. I just don't want to see you hurt again.
**You never know how STRONG you are....until being STRONG is the ONLY choice you have**

Co-Moderator Lyme Disease Forum

Post Edited (CajunGrl) : 10/11/2009 7:03:18 PM (GMT-6)

New Member

Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 7
   Posted 10/11/2009 7:18 PM (GMT -7)   
James: I don't read or post here much, but I do recall your original break up thread. My big concern here is that you may have many difficult times ahead from catching lyme and if she left you once before because of your health problems, how will you know she won't do it again? You need to be able to talk to her about it, if you can't talk to her about it then she isn't the right one for you. You should not have to pretend everything is OK with your health if it isn't.

james from missouri
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 10/11/2009 9:39 PM (GMT -7)   
thanks for the replies!

i have no idea on what course to take, my heart tells me to leap foward and take another risk, but my mind is telling me to think real hard before you travel down this road again.

i'm feeling better, i have good and bad days still, but i'm living with it. I just feel more confident now, since i'm out looking for a home and feel like i have my head on straight again.. i just wanted to let her know in a sneaky way, that i'm progressing to a better future with or without her... I kinda wanted her to feel like what did i lose before... I never have mentioned this to her, or have told her my feelings yet. we talked tonight for about an hr on the phone, i can tell she is interested again, i asked her if she wanted to hang out, she said yes...this made me nervous!!

i honestly think she might see that i'm the future, and i will be a good husband and will support her... I told her before when we was together, that the timing of us was a little off, if she was around when i first bought my first home, things would've been different.. i was ready for something serious, she didn't come along until after a year after the house purchase, by that time, i was just happy being me and single.. now she sees that i want a house to raise a family in... Its so hard to let go of someone you loved, and now she is back in my life and i feel weird and anxious about it.. i would want to commit to her and let her know its you and me, and not play any games like before... but if i get sick again, what would happen? who knows, only time will tell... i was almost over her, now i'm going backwards...wow!! Love is a crazy thing, its makes us do all sort of things we would never do if we were single.

Regular Member

Date Joined Sep 2008
Total Posts : 283
   Posted 10/12/2009 3:53 PM (GMT -7)   

Sorry you are going thru this dilema in your life..
In my opinion some women are pure evil and only
think of themselves.

If she was this hurtful when you are going thru one of the hardest
times in your life then I think your right for being cautious the second
time around.

Take your time with her. Let her know you will hang out and have fun
but your not ready for a relationship at this time, because you dont know
if you will get sick again, and how she will react.

And right now its just time being spent with a person do you really know
who they are..

Be kind to your own heart. I dont think she really knows that your a good guy

Good Luck and dont let her hurt you like before.

Regular Member

Date Joined Aug 2008
Total Posts : 348
   Posted 10/13/2009 8:21 AM (GMT -7)   
James you sound like a wonderful caring person, and you deserve a wonderful caring person in return. You deserve to be with someone who loves you for whom you are not who they want you to be.
If you can't be yourself what good is the relationship? I can tell you from experience that people usually don't change, they can act like they did in the beginning but then the true side of that person shows itself again. Why waste your time with a person who felt you were not good for her, she had no contact with you for three months and did not call you when her last relationship was over you called her. Maybe she is feeling lonely now and your filling that void? Is that what you want? I'm sorry I am being so up front about this but the truth is people don't change they really don't and you should be with a woman who loves you for you, with all your up's and downs all of it. I hope you give yourself the chance to really find true love with someone who can make you totally happy. Someone you never have to feel doubt with or feel like you can't trust them. Be good to yourself James.. Hope I didn't say anything wrong here that wasn't my intent. I wish you health and Happiness.

james from missouri
Regular Member

Date Joined May 2009
Total Posts : 432
   Posted 10/13/2009 9:22 AM (GMT -7)   
ok, so last night we hung out and i actually stayed all night with her... we just talked about our feelings.. She is worried about being hurt apparently.. i guess even though she broke up with me, she was hurt, she dated a guy for 2 weeks after we broke up and she said that was a mistake. I came clean with her, i wanted to be more reserved, but i'm only human, and i couldn't hold back my feelings i still had.. I told her i still cared and loved her. She said she felt the same way but was worried about being hurt. She said actions are louder than words, and everything i said sounded good, but she needed me to show her.. i guess i'm back to square one! i'm totally confused now..i guess the ball is in her court and its up to her... I just will wait and see if she contacts me, and i'll go from there.. thanks for all the replies, i read them all and took them all into count..
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