The umbrella under which I stuff my symptoms is Lyme and coinfections. Over the years I've had many diagnoses, and each of those syndromes is real; many allegedly have an unknown cause if you listen to current medical "wisdom." But I have Lyme, and the Lyme literate perspective is that it can cause them all, so that's what I believe is at the root of my symptoms. I'm not looking up ALS because I don't think it will help me. If those are also symptoms of Lyme, and I know I have Lyme, then it's my perspective that chances are the Lyme is causing the symptoms, not ALS. The same is true with anxiety, and IBS, and GERD, and IC, and fibromyalgia, and adrenal fateague, and chronic headaches, and popping joints, and melting muscles, and pins & needles, and no nail moons, etc. It occurred to me in the last couple of weeks when my belly was swollen and I had constant abdominal pain that I could have cancer, but I've decided, though it's not impossible for me to have other health problems, odds are it's the Lyme. Anyway, what if I did find out I had cancer? Would I get off of the antibiotics that are treating babesia and inhibiting my immune system thus giving the cancer a foothold? Would I get on chemo which would inhibit my immune system further and give Lyme and coinfections free reign to multiply? What would kill me first? Which would make me the most miserable? When I start thinking about
having anything else it's overwhelming and I just can't deal with it. I keep my doctor up to date on my symptoms, and I find a way to trust him even though for most of my life doctors have let me down. And I learn everything I can about
Lyme so I can best help myself.
I started this Lyme journey in September and for me the only way to quell my natural inclination to pick away at the symptoms and keep researching (because that is what I've done for the last 10 years or so when I was seeking a diagnosis that made sense) is to tell myself that facing Lyme takes a leap of faith. Never my strong suit. We worriers are notoriously devoid of the faith in the future that optomists weild behind their bright-side smiles and silver-lining lifestyles. But I have to hang on to that, as scanty as it is. Otherwise not only will I feel physically ill, but I won't even have inner peace and right now a peaceful mind is what I need. Lyme has decimated my world as it stealthily stole away my ability to do much of what is important to me. I'm not going to devolve further by my own doing through an anxious response to my symptoms. That's what I tell myself every day, multiple times a day, to keep me moving forward. It's a job.
Wishing peace of mind for you, too.
I have Lyme; it doesn't have me.