I thought that when I got to feeling better, that would be that and I would just resume normal life. It's not quite that simple. My first few days of being well, I was in some kind of euphoria, but a little scared in case it was only temporary. Then I went around for a couple weeks in a kind of state of shock. Everything I went to do was so easy, it felt I was missing the top step. I felt like I had forgotten to do something. I had -- I had forgotten to be in pain. The realization of how much pain I had been in and how difficult the simplest things were to do and how close I came to totally losing it came crashing in on me.
Ladies and gentlemen you are amazing and don't forget that for a moment. Not only are you fighting to stay on the planet when the rest of the world merely relies on gravity, but you are performing superhuman feats. When you lift a plate out of the dishwasher, you are hoisting a huge impossible weight and ignoring dreadful tortuous pain. While everybody else is enjoying a nice day, you are in the nightmare of an earthquake that just keeps on going, normal quakes last a few minutes and are materially and psychologically devastating. Everything most people take for granted in their bodies doesn't work for you and yet you go on.
I'm not saying this so anyone can feel sorry for themselves, but rather to help you feel proud of what you are accomplishing, even if it is just a brief foray out of bed to the kitchen! It is almost impossible for someone who has not experienced this to see what you are up against, so you alone must acknowledge your strength and fortitude and press on.
The other thing I'm doing is losing some habits picked up while I didn't feel well. I bend to tie my shoes and feel my face and body clench up. Why? it doesn't hurt anymore, so I must relax. I sometimes find myself doing the toddling shuffle I did when my neurological problems were at their worst so I must consciously step out and walk big. And when my back started to hurt again, I was tempted to slink back to my nest on the couch. Instead, I took a wee pain killer and popped the Yoga DVD in and worked right through it and on to other things. Much, much better.
Keep up the good work, everybody!