Posted 6/9/2010 7:03 PM (GMT -6)
I am 26, I have had lyme since '04 and i am currently doing my second picc line of rocephin. 4 weeks in, 2 to go, as far as insurance is concerned. No improvement yet. I am scared because this depression/anxiety thing is getting out of control. It is so bad sometimes it physically hurts. I have taken anti-depressants in the past, I don't like them. The side effects make them not worth it. I've tried Xanax for the anxiety but it's too strong and I am sensitive to most medications. I am in a wonderful relationship (3.5 yrs), although my illness has taken it's toll and things have not been the greatest lately. I have a great job and I'm doing really well career-wise. My parents are in the middle of a divorce. My mom has also had lymes for 23 years (we are very close). I've lost all interest in sex (partially due to another condition) and have also lost interest in doing most things I enjoy (horseback riding, gardening, making jewelry, keeping friends...). I am only 26 and I feel like i am not living.
So the gist of my rambling...I'm having a hard time hanging on. I have never talked to other lyme people, or have been on a forum before. But what could be better than talking to people that understand? I'm tired of people thinking I'm being dramatic, or I'm just overly sensitive. I am depressed. Anxious. Uncomfortable in my own skin. And sometimes I don't want to live. If I am not crying, I am usually quiet, but I am screaming on the inside. I don't know how to pick myself up, and I feel alone.
I guess what I'm asking is how do you hold on. I've been holding on for a long time and I am tired.