Sorry, we have gone here before. Many times. But this problem w/ me is getting worse, it seems, each day. My new LLMD said 'yes' w/ certainty that my depression and anxiety can be caused by Lyme. And he said 'yes' w/ certainty that a herx (what I described about taking Amox) can cause this.
STILL, I was not able to describe to him in detail how I feel. (he did keep my symptom list, so hopefully knows some)
WE have talked about this before, and I need reassurance OR to be told Lyme can't be this bad. I do not know how to describe it besides unbearable. There is not even any certain way that I feel, except that I feel as if I cannot continue to go to work and to live a daily life. I am worn out from pushing myself just to work and half ass take care of myself. My mind feels scrambled. I do have an almost describable depression -- it feels hopeless, brings on the desire to 'end it all', even tho I know that I can't. It's like a deep, dark hole that I cannot climb out of. I can't describe anything, and can't make sense of anything.
I feel like absolutely nothing. I hate myself and hate the way that I feel. I want to get away from everyone, yet don't want to hurt anyone. Cannot get ahold of my thoughts --- I don't even know if they are racing or just scrambled. I feel like I can't make it stop.
I feel as if my mind is not my own and that's very scary. Because it seems to twist itself on its own, I am scared about what might happen if I totally lose it.
And btw, DAILY, tho only for a few miserable hours, I DO feel like I am losing it. I DO lose it. I feel like I can't go on. I feel like I can't do what it takes to live and survive. I feel completely defective, incompetent, and AM.
I am not seeking sympathy here.
I've been blaming all this on Lyme for the past year. But I need to know if Lyme (or Babs or thyroid or EBV) can make someone's head so screwed up. I do not know if I am bipolar (tho have had no 'highs' for almost 10 yrs. Used to have them). What can this be?
btw, I am on an antidepressant, now double the dose that I maintained for many years. And sometimes, even if it does not feel like anxiety, often a xanax brings some relief -- at least from the racing, maniacal head.
Are we TRULY POSITIVE that Lyme can do this??
Bit 1972: Acute and chronic tonsillitis, UTI, miscarraige, appendicitis, hypoglycemia, chronic neck pain w/ crushed vertibrae, chronic severe back pain, mitral valve prolapse, depression, resolution?
Bit Mother's Day 2007: Lyme, Babesia microti, hypothyroidism, EBV, HHV6, Parvovirus B19, low adrenals &misc other hormones, depression, anxiety, more of the above.