I am so frustrated right now

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vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 9/8/2010 2:35 PM (GMT -7)   
What are you supposed to say to the owner of your company when you're working on a project and she keeps asking why you can't see the chronological order of something? What do you say when you end up with seven copies of the same document? "I'm sorry, I just don't have a brain anymore?" This is not something I normally do and involves writing a four-page report. In the best of times I'm not a good writer. If I tell them that, they probably will let me go. She asked when my boss would be back.
 
The only reason I didn't get yelled at was because she likes me - she just can't understand why I'm so stupid and  can't think like a normal person. I don't blame her - I should have been able to do this - she was practically doing it for me. I told everyone when I was first diagnosed that I had Lyme - that was four years ago, I guess they think I'm cured even though I go to the doctor every three months.
 
Maybe I need to be on stronger meds or something. This is not good. I don't mean to whine, but I want my life back. The one where I sleep and can walk and talk and feel like cleaning house and wearing nice clothes and don't cry at the drop of a hat.
 
Victoria

Simela
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 552
   Posted 9/8/2010 3:25 PM (GMT -7)   
Victoria:
I am so sorry you are going through this! I don't work, I stay home with my children, but I goof off in here all the time. I feel somedays my brain is gone, but then other days, I am in pain and my brain is ok. I forget things all the time, so now I am writing everything down. My husband works long hours and when he comes home and I do something dumb he gives me a look--he is still adjusting to my disease, but he just can't believe what I am going through. He always thought I am smarter than him, and now I can only do one thing at the time, whereas before I could do several tasks in the same time with no problem.

Does this happen to you every day, or once in a while? Try to plan ahead of the bad day and try to complete your work accordingly. I don't know what else to suggest. Somedays I am a mess, others I feel well. If you feel like crying, maybe you should take some mild antidepressants--they have helped me. Also, talk to your doc, maybe you need different medication, if what you are taking is not helping. Good luck!

vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 9/8/2010 4:03 PM (GMT -7)   
Thanks, Simela. This was something new for us that was being used as an experiment. We told them that it wouldn't work and it didn't. I couldn't read the notes to begin with and the more frustrated I got, the worse the situation became.
 
Victoria

madrivergirl30
Regular Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 205
   Posted 9/8/2010 4:04 PM (GMT -7)   
Victoria,

It's been my experience, and is my opinion, that honesty always works best. There's nothing you can do to change the circumstances of the situation you're dealing with. You are who you are, and part of that is having Lyme disease and dealing with illness.

The first thing I would do is have a talk with your doctor, and possibly find out what your legal rights are as far as having an illness and/or disability that effects your work.

Talk to Human Resources at your job and find out what kind of benefits might be available to you if it should (or already is) get to the point where you can no longer continue working.

Finally, I'd have a straight-up and honest discussion with your boss and let him/her know the concerns you have. The facts are the facts - if you're making mistakes and not keeping up with work the way you used to, you're not going to be able to hide it forever...and it's only going to cause you stress the more you try to cover it up... Tell your boss how worried you are that your health issues are beginning to effect your work. See what s/he says... You may find that what you're so worried about disclosing or exposing, isn't really a secret. Let them know you are getting treatment, that you don't want to lose your job, that you're doing your absolute best, but you're very worried that you've been making mistakes and might not be up to par as you were before...

Do you have the option to sign up for long-term disability? If so, this may be something you might consider doing, since oftentimes it won't kick in for six months (more or less) after you apply. See if there is any kind of retirement disability available, too.

You're not "stupid" and for someone who hired you to make such a suggestion would be an embarrassment to themselves. You're dealing with an illness that can and does have an effect on the brain, on memory, on concentration, etc. It has nothing to do with stupidity. Ask for help, and just be honest with what you're going through. Any good, compassionate person will want to do what they can to help and accommodate you (and there are laws that support people with disabilities, although if it comes to needing them, you will likely need a lot of support from your doctor).

Good luck - hang in there! We ALL have "off" days.

Rachel

betterhealth
Regular Member


Date Joined Mar 2010
Total Posts : 230
   Posted 9/8/2010 4:08 PM (GMT -7)   
Victoria,
This is all to familiar to me. I had the worst brain for for nearly nine months straight and one thing i could absolutely not do was put things in order. I have continued working while being sick this year and it is amazing that they haven't let me go for contributing so little. Before I got sick with Lyme, I had a high level project management position in Information Technology. I had to significantly reduce my responsibilities after being hospitalized last summer. My mental processing is much better now, but still nowhere close to 100%. I am burned out and exhausted and find it impossible to recover while working. We are downsizing to a smaller house so I can afford to take some time off to recover. Good Luck and I wish you a speedy recovery back to good health.

Gary
Peace and Healing
Lyme Disease - Doxycyline, IV-Rocephin, Amoxicillin, Azithromycin, Ceftin.
 
 

vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 9/9/2010 8:01 AM (GMT -7)   
The thing is, this was an "experimental" writing project that they wanted to see if the exec. assistants could do instead of the directors. I just happened to be the one they picked to go first. I'm in no danger of getting fired (I don't think), and I've done my job for so long that I don't screw up any more than most employees. The owners really like me and even offered to transfer me to Houston when the economy was at its worst and they were thinking of closing our office. The clients like me and have even written emails to the owners saying how helpful and what a good job I did on a project.
 
The HR person knows about the Lyme and I've explained how it affects me. I'm on Ketek and Cefdinir (sp?) right now. I have terrible lengthy herxes to the point where I have to give myself a break. After a two-week break, my brain fog comes back. It's a never-ending battle. I have an appt. with my LLMD in October and I'll speak to her. I know everyone says herxes are necessary and good - but how do you survive when you have to get up at 4:30 a.m./5:00 to go to work?
 
We've discussed long-term disability, but I don't feel I need it at this time. I'm the sole income provider and live in a very expensive location - disablity just wouldn't be enough money and the state covered medical wouldn't cover my prescriptions like my current health plan (I have a small co-pay).
 
Thanks for being there for me and the suggestions.
 
Victoria

Simela
Veteran Member


Date Joined Aug 2010
Total Posts : 552
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:14 AM (GMT -7)   
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vicparis
Regular Member


Date Joined Jul 2009
Total Posts : 113
   Posted 9/9/2010 9:51 AM (GMT -7)   
Simela - Are you okay?
 
V.

Traveler
Forum Moderator


Date Joined May 2007
Total Posts : 35859
   Posted 9/9/2010 10:06 AM (GMT -7)   
Like Vicparis said - Are you okay?? Did one of the kids get a hold of the keyboard?? or was that you way of venting???
Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we will never cease to be amused!!!! :)
May we all find peace along the journey to find healing.
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP
Trav
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