Please don't beat yourself up so badly!! You're going to make it through this illness.
It sure doesn't sound as if your doc is understanding your tick-borne infections very well. Are you seeing a Lyme Literate Practitioner? Sorry if you have already posted about
it - my memory still isn't very good as of yet.
I would suggest that you find a doc (any
doc) that will be willing to prescribe you something for anxiety. Anxiety is common with Tick-borne infections. Mine comes & goes - it has my gp pretty confused as to the why - but he still gives me what I really need. As a matter of fact, I received some very stressful news about
some family members & had to go back on the anxiety meds again.
Your desperation is also very understandable. The mind & body can only take so much - I believe that that level of stress can only be determined by our bodies, not by our brains. What is excruciating for one person can be very different to another. I don't believe it is necessary for anyone
to be in a lot of pain, or anxiety - there are waaaayyy
too many good, effective meds out there!! My hubby is one of those big men (6'2' & 230lbs w/lots of muscle ) and has been told by many docs to "Suck it up" - that makes me madder than a wet hen!! I don't believe that anyone - as long as it is documentable - should have to listen to that from a 'doc'. At that point I begin to question the doc!!
I guess that is a product of having been through the diagnosing maze that comes with Lyme for some of us.
Blessed are we who can laugh at ourselves, for we will never cease to be amused!!!! :)
"Absence of proof is not proof of absence" - Dr. Edwin Masters, great LLMD & researcher -RIP