Please don't beat yourself up so badly!! You're going to make it through this illness.
It sure doesn't sound as if your doc is understanding your tick-borne infections very well. Are you seeing a Lyme Literate Practitioner? Sorry if you have already posted about
it - my memory still isn't very good as of yet.
I would suggest that you find a doc (any
doc) that will be willing to prescribe you something for anxiety. Anxiety is common with Tick-borne infections. Mine comes & goes - it has my gp pretty confused as to the why - but he still gives me what I really need. As a matter of fact, I received some very stressful news about
some family members & had to go back on the anxiety meds again.
Your desperation is also very understandable. The mind & body can only take so much - I believe that that level of stress can only be determined by our bodies, not by our brains. What is excruciating for one person can be very different to another. I don't believe it is necessary for anyone
to be in a lot of pain, or anxiety - there are waaaayyy
too many good, effective meds out there!! My hubby is one of those big men (6'2' & 230lbs w/lots of muscle ) and has been told by many docs to "Suck it up" - that makes me madder than a wet hen!! I don't believe that anyone - as long as it is documentable - should have to listen to that from a 'doc'. At that point I begin to question the doc!!
I guess that is a product of having been through the diagnosing maze that comes with Lyme for some of us.