Posted 9/21/2011 5:09 PM (GMT -6)
This is my thrid relapse and emotionally the toughest. It has been a relization that I tried to pretend wasn't real before "I will always have Lyme". I have been so mad at that I was outside in my yard screaming, tears running down my face pulling the grass out in a frenzy because I was mad at it. Mad at the grass! I was mad at the live parts for not being sick and growing, and I was mad at the dead parts for not being sick but still dieing.
I wanted everything to just stop, if I was going to forget where I lived why couldn't I then forget that I was sick? I am still working on my last relapse and am only upto 1/4 the recomended dose of antibiotics because of the herx reactions and my bodies inability to handle the medications. (My brain swells up, not good).
I have delt with the crawling and fantum sensations and pains, the endless amount of pills, halucination, inability to walk, talk, hold a pencil, and countless other things. The good news is that even if you happen to be like me and keep relapsing there are good days to come.
Lyme is becoming more "acceptable" today and with treatment things get better. I haven't been as physically impaired by Lyme since my first diagnosis. and have regained much of what I lost. I am still batteling but I know where you are at right now and it's the worst place on earth. It will get better.