Cat, I for one, am honored that you felt safe enough to
open up and share like that on here. It's hard to be the one going through all of this, but it's got to be pretty darned hard watching the one that you love with all your heart go through this too! I've always told my husband that I just can't imagine what it's been like living with me and I meant because of the infections and what they have done to me. He's never known me as a healthy person, but then again, neither have my own children.
The insecurity that Toby is feeling is quite normal, believe me. My poor husband, I would have such emotional issues that I would convince myself that he would be so much better off without me and would yell at him to leave and get a better life. Thank God he never did. It's been quite the roller coaster for him too. 13 years of a roller coaster!! He got a heart of gold, even if the edges are a little rough from time to time!!!
I completely understand all of your frustrations with the issues of chronic Lyme as well. After living in an area where I couldn't get any kind of help - as soon as they heard the word Lyme, I was ushered out the door, told that the doctor wasn't taking on hard cases right now, and many other excuses. I told them I didn't want that doc to treat me for these infections, just the meds that I needed like Trazodone and Xanax and a few others, but it didn't matter. They wanted nothing to do with me. I'm not the only one in my community that has been treated like this either. Oh gosh! I could go on and on about
Anyway, that's what kind of pushed me into using Holistic medicine when I was so cognitively impaired. I really had no choice, but now I'm really, really
glad that it worked out that way! I'm healed and I don't think I could have healed with pharmaceuticals. My body was too ill to deal with it.
Just remind Toby that you didn't marry him for what he was, but for who
he is! I have to tell my hubby this from time to time as he was suddenly disabled and frequently feels the same way as Toby. Gotta love the big lunks!!
Anyway, this whole thing is a tragedy. Some say that our fight is very similar to the beginning of the fight for recognition and truth about
AIDS/HIV had - I believe it. We are in the beginning of the revolution though - at least that's how I see it.